And when you’re competing in the marketplace of services and ideas, how do you differentiate yourself, how do you stand out?

Who can you rely on? Who can you trust?

How do you know what’s real, what’s authentic, what’s true?

Ann has faced this recently. She’s been looking for a marketing consultant to work with her as she moves her business to the next level.

The talking heads, the pseudo experts are everywhere.

“Enroll in my strategy session.”  “Take my webinar.” “Work with me; you’ll have a $10,000 day.”

The cacophony is staggering.

How should you shop for your next consultant or expert? Here are the factors I consider:

• Does she walk the talk?  I don’t want a fat doctor or a decrepit personal trainer. I don’t want an accountant who has had an IRS problem or a network marketer who has never built a team. If I have a running injury, I want to see a runner. If I need a realtor, I want someone who has survived the dark valley of real estate despair.
• Is he referable? I want someone who is 100% reliable, someone I would want to refer to others. Strategic coach Dan Sullivan teaches the concept of referability. He says people are “referable” when they show up on time, do what they say, finish what they start and have good manners. I like that. I want to work with someone who is referable. And has been referred.
  
• Is she present? How many of you have you been in a doctor’s office when you just as well could have been at a meat-packing plant? You know what I’m talking about: the doc comes in, looks at the chart, mumbles a few words, writes out a script and moves down the hall. I don’t want a professional who is distracted. I want my expert to be 100% connected with me; 100% tuned into what I need; 100% present. I want a relationship. Even if my professional has a dozen other clients that day, I want to feel like I’m the most important person in the world when it comes time to work with me.

And what if you’re on the other side of the fence? What if you’re trying to market your wares? How do you stand out from the crowd?

• Give a lot. I recently re-read the Go-Giver, a wonderful business parable that teaches anew the age-old principal that it is in giving that we receive. And paradoxically, the more we give, the more we will receive. Frank Kern and Jeff Walker have talked extensively about the movement of the “free line,” the content that experts must share freely in the marketplace of ideas if they have any hope of developing rapport and credibility with their prospective customers. Seth Godin executes on this concept brilliantly through his Domino Project and suffers not for prosperity or success.
• Say thank you. Common sense is, well, not all that common anymore. And manners seem to have disappeared with bell-bottoms. I had a client call me out of the blue recently to thank me for some work I did. It shocked the shit out of me. And set the man apart in my memory for all time. When we express gratitude, we not only deepen our connections with one another, but we also differentiate ourselves  from an entitled world and attract even more abundance and prosperity into our lives.
• Just be you. Years ago in a photography workshop, ten of us lined our tripods up in front of a beautiful vista. You might predict that there would have been ten identical images. Not so. Ten very different photographs. Here’s the truth: Each of us see the world, touch the world, and impact the lives of others in our own unique ways. No one does it like we do it. And as long as we stand in our own authenticity, no one can compete with us.

It might seem as if you need to be a Jedi master to pierce through the noise of advertising, to look beyond the sizzle of social media, to see through the scammers, the illusionists, and the charlatans. But beyond the banality and the blather, there is truth. Just apply a few simple principals. Take your time. You’ll see it.

For real.

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Do you have your copy of Journeys on the Edge: Living a Life That Matters? Order your signed copy today. Click HERE!

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I must have looked as dumbstruck as I felt.

“The sub-title,” the man in the dark suit said, pointing to the slide on the screen. “You know, the sub-title of your book.”

Ah, my book, the one I’ve been talking about. Yes, of course. Living a life that matters.

Journeys on the edge, and all that… .

Hmmm. Haven’t had that question before… .

So with my usual grace, I punted.

“You already know the answer to that question,” I replied.

And the truth is, all of us do.

All of us know what truly matters. All of us know what makes our hearts sing. All of us know what feeds our spirits and nourishes our souls.

It’s just that we forget. It’s just that we get buried in the minutia. We lose ourselves in the urgent rather than tending to the important. We get sucked into other people’s agendas rather than our own.

Lost in rabbit holes of “busy,” glued to glowing screens, torn by technology run wild, assaulted by emails, inundated by updates, and addicted to the ephemeral connections of social media, we find ourselves running so fast that we forget where we are going, or why; caught and overwhelmed in a pace that both challenges and diminishes our humanity.

We lose touch with what matters.

Leadership expert Brendon Burchard suggests that at the end of our lives the questions we will ask of ourselves are these: Did I live, really live? Did I love, really love? Did I matter?

At the end of our lives, none of us will wish that we had spent more time in the office, sold more product, seen more customers, billed more hours. What will matter will be the experiences we have had, the lives we have touched, the love we have shared.

What will matter is whether we have listened to the deepest longings of our hearts.

The measure, according to Buddhist scholar Jack Kornfield, is regret. Will we be able to say that we have lived without regret?

The Carmelite mystic William McNamara says that “Drivenness and crowdedness scatter our perceptions so disparately that our lives become helplessly fragmented and we are inexorably reduced to uncollected dispersion and spiritual torpor. He suggests that “[m]ost of us will have to stop doing half the things we do in order to do the other half with the liveliness of faith and the contagion of love.” “[I]nsightfulness grows in stillness and tranquility,” he says.

In silence, with life stripped bare, we discover again what matters.

Clayton M. Christensen, writing in the Harvard Business Review shares these thoughts:

“This past year I was diagnosed with cancer and faced the possibility that my life would end sooner than I’d planned. Thankfully, it now looks as if I’ll be spared. But the experience has given me important insight into my life.

I have a pretty clear idea of how my ideas have generated enormous revenue for companies that have used my research; I know I’ve had a substantial impact. But as I’ve confronted this disease, it’s been interesting to see how unimportant that impact is to me now. I’ve concluded that the metric by which God will assess my life isn’t dollars but the individual people whose lives I’ve touched.

I think that’s the way it will work for us all. Don’t worry about the level of individual prominence you have achieved; worry about the individuals you have helped become better people. This is my final recommendation: Think about the metric by which your life will be judged, and make a resolution to live every day so that in the end, your life will be judged a success.”

As young philosophy students, we were challenged with the assignment of writing our own obituaries.

That will get you in touch with what matters.

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Meet this transient world with neither grasping or fear, trust the unfolding of life, and you will attain true serenity.

– Bhagavad Gita

I love it when I’m in the zone.

It’s effortless.

It just flows.

You know what I’m talkin’ about.

• You’re working on a project and everything just falls into place.
• You’re writing and the words spill onto the page.
• You’re painting and it’s as if the canvas paints itself.
• You’re having fun; you lose track of time; and the hours become like seconds.

I experience it sometimes when I climb. The moves reveal themselves and suddenly I’ve topped out. Or sometimes when I’m running, it feels as if  I’m being transported across the ground, like pure fluid motion.

It’s our natural state: Flow.

Why is it then that we fight it? Why is it that we make things difficult? Why is it that we choose to struggle? Why is it that we feel a need to wrestle everything to the ground?

As if we could really control any of it.

You know I’m not saying “Que sera, sera.”

I believe that we are called to pursue our dreams, to train hard, to take the risks, to push the edges, to grab the ring; to transform ourselves; to transform our world; to make our lives a masterpiece.

But, why can’t we believe that the Universe conspires for our success? Why can’t we trust that an Infinite benevolence wants for our good? Why can’t we rest in the natural order of things?

Life unfolds as it unfolds.

Struggle is optional.

“Sometimes I have to remember not to struggle,” said Ann breathlessly. We were running downhill after a long run up.

How true that is. We get caught in our struggles. And it’s so easy to stay stuck.

It’s so easy to stay in that state of struggle rather than to allow the magnificence that is.

“We are rather like whirlpools in the river of life, Charlotte Joko Beck writes. It’s when we try to dam up our whirlpools and cut them off from the larger flow, that we struggle. We suffer. We stress. We self-isolate. We cut ourselves off from one another. We cut ourselves off from the perfection that is the unfolding. We forget our true natures; we forget that we are part of the stream of life.

When we step into the flow, we allow for infinite possibility.

There’s a reason for that old round: Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream.

It’s so much easier to be the river than to row against it.

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Or do you muddle?

The majority of folks drag themselves out the door, day after day, to their jobs, feeling empty, disappointed and depleted. Nearly 80% unhappy in their work.

Of course, in this economy, so many are grateful just to have some work.

But most folks want for something more as well.

Ultimately, as Maslow suggests, we want to feel fulfilled.

We look for purpose. We search for meaning. We want to matter.

At the end of our lives, none of us will wish we had spent more time in the office, billed more time, or sold more product. What will matter will be the experiences we have had, the lives we have touched, and the love we have shared.

But here’s the scoop. We get to choose how we will be.

Consider the old parable: A man went by a construction site and encountered a bricklayer working.  The man asked him what he was doing.  The bricklayer replied, “I’m laying bricks.”  The man walked a few feet further and came upon a second bricklayer. He asked him the same question.  The bricklayer answered, “I’m making a wall.”  He then walked by another bricklayer and once again asked the same question.  This worker replied, “I’m building a cathedral.”

The vision of our lives, our mission, is ours alone to form.

Abraham Lincoln had a vision of a nation freed of slavery, oppression and division.

Martin Luther King had a dream of equality and justice for all.

Nelson Mandela had a goal of unity and peace for the people of South Africa.

Ronald Regan had a vision of a world without a wall.

Mother Teresa labored to serve the poor and save the downtrodden.

The Dalai Lama’s purpose is to bring peace, gratitude and compassion to the world.

But “greatness” is not the precursor for vision. All of us have the capacity to have great vision. Saints aren’t born that way. Leaders learn to lead. And the visionaries, they’re the ones who, bit by bit, learn to see beyond themselves; who see the world not just as it is, but as how it could become. They have a grander vision of their lives, a bigger purpose. They’re the ones who think not just of their children, but of their children’s children for generations to come.

Folks who are mission driven bolt up out of bed every day, on fire, excited about what they are about to do. They’re focused not on the hours of their day, but on their impact in the world.

Folks who are mission driven look beyond themselves. They have a servants heart. They add value. They give.

And even in the minutia of their days, they build cathedrals.

And you?

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It’s not enough to be busy. The question is, what are we busy about?

– Henry David Thoreau

I speak on Intentional Leadership, Purposeful Living, Success Principals and Goal Achievement.

The questions I get most often are about time management.

When polled, nearly 100% of my audiences say they feel as if their lives are “too busy.”  Over 80% say that they drop into bed at the end of the day exhausted and depleted, without getting done anywhere near what they had hoped to accomplish in the day.

“How do you manage time?” they ask.

The answer: It can’t be done.

Time cannot be managed. Time just is.

The only thing that we can manage is ourselves.

But for the sake of discussion, I’ll share some thoughts this week on “time” management. Here are 7 “Secrets:”

• Get Up An Hour Earlier. If you look at all of the time-management recommendations across the decades, you’ll find this suggestion mentioned often. For years I disregarded it; it seemed too painful. But what I have discovered is that, of all the time management principals, this is the most powerful one of all. I adopted it when I was a single dad and was tired of the frantic rush to get the kids up, the lunches made and then make the mad dash out the door feeling breathless and exhausted before I had even digested the breakfast that I was still juggling on my lap. At first, I had to ease into the early hour backing up the alarm 15 minutes at a time over 4 or 5 months. But it became my most important hour of the day. All mine. No distractions. No demands. No noise. It allowed me to ease into the day more peacefully, more patiently, more mindfully. And now, long after the kids have gone off, I use the time to journal and meditate and read and write. It is my most productive time. I guard it jealously and wouldn’t trade it for the world.
• Turn Off The Tube. When I ask some of my coaching clients about their days, I discover that the TV goes on when they get home, and stays on until 11:00 pm when they drop into bed. You can pick up 4 or 5 hours every day of wonderfully productive time if you banish the television. That could be as much as 30 hours a week. That’s like a part-time job. Think of what you could accomplish with an extra 30 hours a week! You could take a course, launch a business, or write a book!  You can get your news, weather and sports on your smart phone. There is nothing that the Kardashians will really add to the quality of your creative life, your marriage or your business. Get rid of the tube. (Between these first two “secrets,” you could “recover” 35 or 40 hours of time every week! That’s like having a whole other life!)
• Avoid The In-Box. I was astounded by a recent statistic that suggested that more than 80% of folks sleep with their cell phones. That’s whacked. Don’t do that. Beyond that seemingly self-evident principal, don’t check your email when you first get up in the morning. Your In-Box is nothing more than a convenient repository of other people’s agendas for your day. Even if you just peek, those demands and expectations of others will seep into your sub-conscious and throw you off your stride. Your thoughts and plans for the day deserve your first attention.
• Have A Plan. You cannot hit a target you cannot see. If you don’t have a plan for your day, someone else certainly will. If you don’t have a plan for your day, your day will be stolen from you and you can never get it back. Even if your day is a vacation day,  you will lose it if you have not planned its boundaries carefully. Set aside some time in that first hour of your day, or better yet at the end of the day before, and map out your day. Decide on what is most important. Choose three things that matter most to you, the three things that, if you failed to accomplish those, you would feel as if your day had not been well spent. Do those three things first.
• Commit and Schedule. Something floating in your head in an idea. Something written down is real. Once you have decided on your plan, once you have decided on those most important things, actually write them into the schedule for your day. There is something powerful about the written word. When you’ve scheduled it, it feels like an obligation. Even though I have had a work-out schedule for years that seldom varies, I always put it on my calendar. It rarely gets displaced because its locked in. I’ve committed.
• Work In Block Time. Our lives are challenged by so many competing demands. And multi-tasking is a myth. It diminishes our productivity. Consider instead carving out chunks of time devoted to particular aspects of your day. Rather than checking email constantly on the fly, set aside a half hour in the morning and another at the end of the day to review and respond to emails. Set aside a half hour for your social media. Block out time twice a day to return your calls. And then schedule uninterrupted periods in your day, off the grid and away from your phone, when you can concentrate on your most important work. You will be amazed at how much more creative, efficient and productive you will become if you create these boundaries for yourself.
• Say No. Most of us are great at making To Do Lists. And then, because we’re stretched so thin, we never get To Do most of what’s on our list. Try making a Stop Doing List. There are lots of things we do that are not productive or efficient or joyful or worthwhile. Stop doing them. Busy is not badge of honor. Busy is a bad habit. You don’t have to say yes to every PTO request, every bake sale, every invitation to a board membership, every volunteer request, every civic organization, every request for your precious time.  Figure out what you value most in life, what gives you the most joy. Concentrate there. Apply the Paretto Principal, the 80/20 Rule, ruthlessly. Get rid of the 20% of things that give you 80% of your headaches. Concentrate on the 20% of activities that give you 80% of your satisfaction. The person who has said yes the most by the time they’re dead doesn’t get a prize. Learn to say no.

I have begun to use the Rapid Planning Method developed by Tony Robbins. RPM is “a simple system of thinking that creates extraordinary results and an amazing level of personal fulfillment.” Robbins believes that “A life of fulfillment is one in which we put urgency in its place and remember that the ultimate target is to spend our lives doing the things we believe are most important to us.” I like the system because it focuses on outcomes, on the results that align most with the ultimate vision I have for my life.

But regardless of the method you use, the take-home message is this: Time can’t be managed. And the sands do run out.

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It was the same damn test that I’d failed in Fourth Grade.

Maybe you remember something like it yourself: It starts out with a clear mandate to read the directions; the directions are lengthy; and then there are the questions. Buried deep in the directions, somewhere toward the end, is the real crux of the exam: it reads something like this, “if you’ve read the directions this far, put down your pencil, the exam is done.”

Of course, being the type A driver, achiever that I am, I looked at the directions and said, blah, blah, blah, been there, done that, seen it all before, let’s get down to business. I had studied hard, made my flash cards, done my homework. I was ready. The questions were easy. I was nailing them. Until I realized that I wasn’t; that something was terribly off; that others were looking up and smiling.

Motherfucker.

That’s the problem when we think we know so much; when our cup is full.

We miss stuff. Important stuff.

We close ourselves off to the present moment. We fail to see what is new and exciting and different and significant. We miss what’s right in front of our eyes.

Kids are so much better than we are when it comes to this. (Could it be that the biblical invective to be as children are might mean something here?) They can watch the same show, see the same movie, hear the same bedtime story, all with the anticipation and joy and full engagement of the very first experience. Each time, new and different and interesting, all over again.

Not so much when we’re adults.

We categorize our experiences. We make up stories. Our minds get dull.

We come to the table with our assumptions and our judgments; with our “knowledge.” It all gets in the way. And then we miss what’s really going on.

A university professor went to visit a famous Zen master. While the master quietly served the tea, the professor talked on and on about Zen. The master poured the visitor’s cup to the brim, and then kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflowing cup until he could no longer restrain himself.

“It’s overfull! No more will go in!” the professor blurted.

“You are like this cup,” the master replied, “How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup.”

And so it is in our lives.

My skills as a business coach and trial lawyer serve me well.  I can analyze situations and solve problems better than most. But, I can’t even begin to count the number of times that I’ve judged a person or a transaction or event based upon my own made-up stories… and been dead wrong.

How much richer life would be if we were to approach each and every moment, each and every interaction with our partners, children, friends, co-workers and clients, with curiosity and an open heart.

So read the directions carefully. They’re simple. Not easy, but simple. “Be here now. Fully present, fully engaged, with joyful wonder. Listen deeply, as if you were hearing it all for the very first time. Don’t miss a thing. And if you’ve gotten this far, put your pencil down. The exam is done.”

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Remind Me: Life is Made Up of Moments of Grace
Life is not to be endured. It is an opportunity to be of service, to enjoy, to grow and change and challenge ourselves. In life we have a choice: fill it with grace or stay in the negative. Recently, I went through a big change, divorce. It felt comfortable to stew in the negative. This wasn’t how I pictured my life at 40! And, like so many other women who have to start over, I felt overwhelmed, over-scheduled and less than.

With two daughters in 6th and 1st grade, it seemed the daily tasks of making lunches, doing loads of laundry, getting the kids off to school and paying the bills were about all I could do. But where was the grace in that?

I’m an over-achiever in recovery. A perfectionist who needed to hand in her to-do-list for a slap in the face with reality. Sure, I was told I could do what I love and the money would come, but I wanted instant gratification. I wanted it now! Where was my payoff? Where was my gold-star at the end of the day?

Sometimes, being an adult, being a real grown up, is shutting the hell up, setting my needs aside and digging in and doing what needs to be done. Right now I need to keep it simple; all I need to do is suit up and show up. That’s it. Like so many other women going through meaningful life changes, all I need to do is do the next right thing and have faith that the outcome isn’t up to me.

When bitching to a friend (Ann, the creator of the blog Starting Over) she “reminded me” that time take time. Change is gradual. Pain is optional. Growth is a must. I was reminded that there are many, many chapters to life and my book (literally) is still being written. There will be time for it all – and room for breathing space too. All I have to do is what’s in front of me. Nothing more, nothing less. And the gold-star at the end of the day? Well, I can’t look for one, or expect one. Moments of grace come when they come. We have to remind each other that if we keep doing the next right thing we’ll get a life filled with grace.

After sharing with Ann (another Mom who had been through a painful divorce with two children) the truth about feeling overwhelmed she suggested I set my “to do” list aside and simply write. So I did. And here is what came. I hope it will serve as a reminder to us all that small moments of grace are ours for the taking, if we keep on giving.

Remind Me

Remind me that a life caring for others is sometimes exhausting.
Remind me I’m doing just fine if I’m honestly doing the very best I can.
Remind me that I must do what I love.
Remind me no apologies are necessary for being exuberant, passionate and just a little bit selfish, as long as I’m following an authentic path.
Remind me that if I go to bed exhausted having fed the kids, got them to and from school, made ends meet, just for today, that is good enough.
Remind me that it is OK – in fact it is better than OK – to take a break from relationships and nurture my soul, craft, being, inner life, and passions.
Remind me that one day I’ll have the time and the energy and the inspiration (maybe even at the same time) to sit myself down to focus on the other stuff.
Remind me that I’m capable of doing what needs to be done.
Remind me that I’ve got a home run in me.
Remind me that the right here, the right now, is all that matters.
Remind me of one of my favorite expressions: Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is the day.
Remind me to stay in today. And that I was a child once, just like you.
Remind me to strive for hope, love and joy, and I’ll be on the right track.
Remind me that wanderlust isn’t always a bad thing.
Remind me to ask you what you love to do rather than what you do. Remind me to ask who you are rather than what you do. Remind me to question what stirs your soul rather than your job title.
Remind me to inhale deeply and breathe when all I want to do is scream.
Remind me to do something for someone else, and then never tell anyone about it.
Remind me to pay for the toll for the car behind me only to speed up and get away without needing a thank you. Remind me to hold the door and have no expectations.
Remind me to wake up each day and be OK doing the simple things.
Remind me to look at you in your eyes when we say good morning. And when I meet a stranger on the street, remind me to answer truthfully when asked: How are you?
Remind me to ask friends: How are you today? How are you really doing? And remind me to then listen.
Remind me to think about what you are saying rather than what I’m going to say next.
Remind me to pray for those I resent and to allow forgiveness to enter.
Remind me that bathing my children and filling their bellies and getting them to practices on time is all about showing up.
Remind me that I don’t need a gold star for doing what’s expected.
Remind me that when I humble myself to ask for help it is always there.
Remind me that when I forget about myself I am free and available to be there for others.
Remind me that today I have choices.
Remind me that relationships, real relationships with give and take and total honesty, are the crux of life. And remind me I can only learn and grow and change by letting another human being get close to my soul.
Remind me that in life everything comes down to either fear or love.
Remind me to choose love every single time.
Remind me that when I ache and tremble it will pass and give way to serenity and sunshine.
Remind me that I get out of life what I put into it. Remind me if I’m willing to do the work then I’ll get results.
Remind me that letting go is the only way. Remind me when I hold on too tightly I’m guaranteed to fail.
Remind me that if I cry now and then it is not a weakness. Remind me if you cry on my shoulder you are teaching me about the beauty of being vulnerable.
Remind me being vulnerable is being human. Remind me to be.
Remind me that I need to laugh more, because every time the wave of laughter washes over me I feel so damn good.
Remind me that there are simple miracles all around me. I need to open my eyes to witness them.
Remind me that I’m not in charge of other people. Remind me that with total acceptance I can shed a heavy load. Remind me that acceptance in all situations is the solution.
Remind me I need to live in the solution rather than contribute to the problem.
Remind me that forgiveness does not happen by me simply wanting it. I need to take action and decide to forgive.
Remind me that letting others off the hook is a gift.
Remind me that if I win someone else has to lose. Remind me it doesn’t feel very good to lose. Remind me that I’d rather be happy than right.
Remind me to be grateful for all of my teachers. And remind me part of contributing to life is passing it on.
Remind me that I live life in a way that is being true to myself without having to explain or justify my choices to anyone.
Remind me to appreciate the wonder of it all.
Remind me that my story is simple and I can have courage in all things.
Remind me to live life in the middle, neither wanting to rise to the top or sink to the bottom.
Remind me that someone must drive the bus, mow the lawn and dig the garden.
Remind me to take responsibility for my thoughts because they become words and then actions.
Remind me that the truth is good enough.
Remind me that I have brokenness but I am not fragile or broken.
Remind me that I need to pray, everyday, and believe in something greater than myself.
Remind me to ask how you are doing, instead of expecting you to ask how I am.
Remind me if I leave my ego at the door I will be open to new experiences.
Remind me to update my old way of thinking.
Remind me to look for the hidden gems and to unearth my authentic self.
Remind me that helping others helps myself.
Remind me to do what scares me.
Remind me that grace will find me if I open myself to her coming.
Remind me that I should stop gripping so tightly trying to create life and I can instead allow life to create me.
Remind me to bloom where I’m planted. And that sometimes we have to lose to win.
Remind me to honor the fine lines and embrace the lessons and ask for sage suggestions. And then I must listen.
Remind me that I don’t know is a brave statement.
And, yes, is a complete sentence.
Remind me that what I am writing or reading at this moment is exactly what I should be doing.
Remind me that everything, absolutely everything, is OK in this moment and just as it should be.
Remind me to observe my daughters climbing trees, scraping knees and building fairy houses. Remind me I’ll miss the fingerprints.
Remind me to get outside and breathe in nature, at least once a day. And that a simple walk can change my outlook. Remind me that it is ok to nap more and accomplish less.
Remind me to be gentle on myself and on others.
Remind me to let myself off the hook and to allow others to fail.
Remind me that I need to do it all over again tomorrow and turn to the quiet wind and whisper a thank you from deep within my heart.

___________________________________________

Visit Beth’s Website at: http://www.simplegracebooks.blogspot.com/

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Imagine peace.

– Yoko Ono

I arrived in pretty rough shape.

I had committed to coming every three months.

It had been nearly a year since I’d been back.

In the intervening time, I had run 1000 training miles and two ultra-marathons; I had launched a new book and traveled around the country on a speaking tour; I had ramped up my professional coaching practice; managed my law firm; climbed on the highest mountain in the Western Hemisphere; developed and launched a new product; and begun an intensive training program to hone and sharpen my coaching skills.

I was spanked. And not in a good way.

Yes, the guy who talks the game of groundedness was wrung out. Again.

They say we teach what we most need to know. So forgive me if I teach this one once again.

Regardless of whether we are introverts or extroverts, regardless of our religious or spiritual traditions, regardless of our roles, our professions, our commitments: every now and then we need to stop. Really stop. Completely stop.

Most of us have lives that are pretty crazy. And although “busy” has become a badge of honor, studies show that nearly 80% of us feel overwhelmed and stressed.

We live for weekends and holidays; thirsting for some down time.  But we’re addicted to our smartphones, tied to our computers, inundated with voicemails, deluged with emails; obsessed with status updates.

We are torn in a dozen different directions by the demands and expectations of our businesses and our professions often at the expense of our personal and family lives.

“Vacations,” when we take them, are often thinly veiled excuses for going back to work to “rest.”

We become like hamsters on a wheel that cannot stop.

We need to stop

> To renew our spirits
> To refresh our souls
> To listen to our hearts
> To hear the Still Small Voice that calls us to what truly matters
> To connect again with the ground, and the Ground of All Being.

We cannot be fully present to others if we do not nurture and care for ourselves. We cannot share our gifts with the world when we are fried.

I go to Weston Priory nestled on a hill in the Green Mountains of Vermont with a centuries-old Benedictine tradition of hospitality and refuge. I go there to feel the ancient rhythms. I go there to soak in the silence, the stillness, the peace.  I go there to read and to write and reflect. I go there to walk the quiet roads, to sit in the Stone Chapel, to watch the afternoon light play on the hillsides, and to gaze at the stars in the inky blackness of the nights.

You don’t need to go to a monastery though. You can walk on a beach, hike in the mountains, sit by a brook, lay in a field.  You can nail plywood to your windows, pull your computer cord out of the wall, turn off your phone and sit on your sofa.

The point is to STOP.  Get quiet. Be still.

What my coaching clients seem to cry out for most is time management. Time, of course, can’t be managed. Time just is. We must manage ourselves. We are the only ones who can stop the wheel and step off.

Or we can crash and burn.

Stopping is a simple grace we give ourselves. We get to choose.

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When you are in a hurry, dress slowly.

– French Proverb

“How many of you feel as if you’re lives are way too busy?”

“How many of you fall into bed at night feeling frustrated that you didn’t accomplish anywhere near what you set out to accomplish in the day?”

Nearly all the hands go up in the audiences I speak to when I ask these questions.

Studies show that 50% of folks feel burned out by the end of their work week.

I recommend walking up hill through waist deep snow.

You see, the problem is that we’re overworked, underpaid, spread too thin; stretched in a hundred different directions; pummeled  by demands from every quadrant of our lives.

We are constantly responding to the urgent. Never getting to the important.

We try to do so much that nothing really gets done.

Many days it feels as if we are fighting a forest fire with a squirt gun.

That doesn’t happen when you’re walking up hill through waist deep snow.

Walking up hill through waist deep snow is hard. It requires focus and attention. You can’t be doing your makeup with one hand while balancing a cup of coffee with the other. You can’t be futzing on your iPhone. You can’t be updating your status. You can’t respond to emails or voicemails. You can’t Skype. You can’t tweet. God, you can barely talk.

It’s one step in front of the other. That’s all there is. That’s all that’s possible.

Tell the truth now: Do you check Facebook while sitting in a meeting? Do you read your email on your iPhone while watching TV? Do you talk on your phone while grocery shopping? Do you watch TV while you make dinner and mediate a fight with your kids while your spouse tries to tell you about her day? Do you text while you drive (perhaps even just once)?

Me, I’ll assert my Fifth Amendments rights.

But I’m betting that there are some days that you feel so overwhelmed by all that you try to accomplish (all at the same time) that you just want to scream.

Here’s the rub: We think that multi-tasking increases our productivity, makes us more efficient. That’s what society tells us will work. It doesn’t. What’s true is that dividing our attention actually decreases our productivity by as much as 25%. When we try to accomplish everything at once, we actually accomplish less. And we do burn ourselves out.

Here are some tips:

1. Set aside some morning meditation time to get clear about your intentions for the day.

2. Decide each day on what’s truly important… to you.  Do that first, to the exclusion of everything else.

3. Do just one thing at a a time, giving it your full focus and attention. Use “block time;” blocks of time devoted to returning calls and emails; blocks for your creative life; blocks devoted for your family and friends.

4. Don’t access your email first thing in the morning; your in-box contains only other people’s agendas.

5. Say “no;” yes, I said “no;” I know it’s not fashionable to say no, but remember what Gandhi said: “A ‘no’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.”

If these ideas don’t work, try walking uphill through waist deep snow.

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Success without fulfillment is failure.

– Anthony Robbins

It was 4:00 p.m., long after I should have turned around. It was snowing and blowing and thundering and lightening. And I was alone.

I had planned it for years and trained for months. I had spent 18 arduous days on the mountain, 5 above 20,000′. Now I had climbed to the highest point in the Western Hemisphere.

And there was nothing there.

Oh, sure, there was a small metal cross and some prayer flags and the various memorabilia that climbers leave behind on big peaks.  And there was a (fleeting) sense of accomplishment. But there were no trumpets, no marching bands, no accolades, no “atta boys.”  There were no trophies, no certificates, no awards. Just a cold wind… and an empty summit.

That’s the problem with success, of course. It’s often empty. When we finally get “there,” we’re not quite sure why we’ve worked so hard. And the success for which we long still seems to be over the next hilltop.

You see, the model is broken.

We’re taught: go to school, get good grades, work hard, get a good job, put in long hours, get promotions, make lots of money, buy lots of things. THEN you’ll be successful. THEN you’ll be happy. We parent, manage and motivate with this paradigm. And it’s wrong… by 180 degrees.

Psychologist Shawn Achor says that the main problem with this model is that “every time your brain has a success you change the goalposts for what success looks like.” This is prevalent in how we do our work, and it’s prevalent in our personal lives and consumerist lifestyles. There always seems to be this sense that on the other side of something (a new thing, a completed task, someone treating you a certain way) is where happiness lies. “If only I had this, I’d be happy.” “Once I reach this goal, I’ll be happy.” “As soon as she tells me she loves me, I’ll be happy.” And when we’ve achieved the big goal, the target is set still higher.

Success can never be achieved.  Happiness can never be attained.

They are always beyond our reach when we live like this.

Happiness constantly pushed beyond the “cognitive horizon;” and thus eternally unavailable.

But there’s good news. It doesn’t have to be this way. Happiness can be taught. And it’s happiness that leads to success. NOT the other way around. Happiness and success are actually found in the valleys; not on some distant high summit.

Achor suggests some very simple practices:

• Feeling Gratitude – Making note of three new things that you are grateful for every day.
• Journaling – Recalling a positive experience that occurred over the last 24 hours, allowing your brain to re-live it.
• Exercise – Getting physical teaches your brain that your behavior matters.
• Meditation – Sitting still trains the brain to get over our “cultural ADHD,” and helps bring focus.
• Random acts of kindness – Emailing one person in your social support network, praising them

Gretchen Rubin though her year-long Happiness Project also explores some fundamental ways in which to get in touch with what really makes our hearts soar. She says,

• Let go
• Lighten up
• Remember that there is only love

I’m not saying “don’t worry, be happy.” God knows, there’s plenty to worry about. But what I am saying is that happiness is the most fundamental element of our success. And it doesn’t just happen. You can learn to do it.

Don’t wait. Start now.

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