“You always seem like you’re good.”

The woman I was talking with was facing some significant challenges in her life.  Her face was tear-streaked and she was clearly exhausted.

“Not always, “ I said. “No one gets a free pass.”

When we look at “successful” people, people who seem to have all their “shit” together, we imagine that their lives are perfect: free of stress, free of torment, free of sadness, free of challenges.

It’s not true.

Lately, I have come face to face with some friends and colleagues – wildly successful people,  folks at the top of their game – who have suffered horrific, unimaginable losses and devastating challenges: the death of a child, the loss of a parent, the dissolution of a marriage.

When Ann and I were at Date with Destiny in December, Tony Robbins shared the epic that he and his son’s mother faced as their boy struggled with substance abuse and an eating disorder. Tony Robbins with a struggle. Imagine that!

No one gets a pass.

In college, I was one of those odious students who feigned indifference about studies and grades and still produced A’s. The truth was that I studied for hours and worked like a dog. The “act” was pure ego.

We serve our teams, our colleagues, our friends, our loved ones best when we are able to be “real,” when we’re able to drop the “act” and reveal the challenges that we face. When we’re able to do this, others can say, like I did when listening to Tony, “well if he can get through that challenge, I can face mine too.”

I am reminded of the old Buddhist story: A young mother appears at the door of the Enlightened One with her dead infant in he arms.  She begs the Buddha to restore the life of her child. The Buddha tells her that he will grant her wish if she will bring him a mustard seed from the home of a person who had never experienced the loss of a loved one. She searched and searched from house to house. When she returned to the Buddha, she understood.

No one gets a pass.