‘Tis the season. And I so enjoy the opportunity to talk with with graduating high school and college seniors.
One of the things I tell them is: Don’t believe “the lie.” 
This is the lie we tell; the lie that was told to me; the lie teachers and parents and well-meaning adults tell; the lie I myself have told my own children; the lie we tell ourselves; the lie that each of us must battle every day:
IF you work hard, take all the AP courses get good grades, join lots of clubs, get involved in student government, do lots of extracurricular activities, do community service, take an SAT preparation course, write a great essay, graduate at the top of your class, get into a great college, one with a great name, an expensive college, work hard, get good grades, get involved in student government, volunteer, get an internship, get two internships, graduate at the top of your class, get into graduate school or a professional program, work hard, write for a journal, publish, present, graduate with honors, get a good job (you know, one with benefits), work hard, settle down, find a partner, get married, buy a house in a nice neighborhood with a big mortgage, get a nice safe car like a Volvo or a mini-van, in fact, get two nice cars, have 2.2 children, get a place at the shore, work a lot of hours, stay really busy and productive, see a lot of clients, sell a lot of product, network a lot, volunteer, sit on a lot of boards, belong to lots of civic organizations, become the boss, the manager, the partner, the senior partner, get the corner office… then… then… finally… you will be successful… and then…then… finally… you will be happy.
It’s an empty, hollow promise.
In groundbreaking research at Harvard, Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage, has demonstrated convincingly that it is happiness that fuels success, not the other way around. Happiness comes first.
Many folks who have lived that lie for decades find their way to my doorstep for coaching feeling discouraged, depleted and demoralized. They have all the toys, all of the indicia of “success;” and yet, inside, they are empty and miserable. They can’t figure out why.
Because, happiness is not “out there” just beyond some “cognitive horizon” (as Achor says).
Happiness is here; it is now; it is in this moment.
May we claim it for ourselves.
May we have the courage not to perpetuate the lie.
I worked my way through school. I got a good job and worked my way up the corporate ladder to the C suite. I found and married the “right” woman. I had all of the “right” friends. We could afford lavish vacations and could dine out five nights a week at all of the “right” restaurants. About ten years into this, I woke up one morning and discovered that I was miserable.
What I have since learned is that the “right” stuff is all wrong. You don’t have friends like the ones you had when you were poor and working your way through school. You had acquaintances. Your job, was still a job and you had to work within the constraints of their system.
So, I quit. I started my own business where I could do things the way I thought were right. And I assembled a group of real friends. I’m not sure all of them would show up after getting a call in the middle of the night telling them: “Hey, man I’ve gotta move, can you lend me a hand?” But most of them would.
I have substantially less money. I hardly ever go out anymore, because I am a decent cook and I like things prepared my way. Do I miss having it all? No, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Very good Walt. It’s so true. We live for the perverbable end of the rainbow. We think if we accomplish “this” then we will be happy. Then we accomplish “this” and we are not happy. So we think we need “that” and when we get “that” we still feel empty. I totally can attest to this. This is how I lived life for a number of years. Now I try every day to live in gratitude for whatever I have and where ever I am. But boy does that “lie” keep popping up. Thanks.