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Managing The Monster

by Walt | Mar 12, 2015 | Success | 0 Comments

There’s a wonderful story that I loved to read to my boys when they were young: There’s A Monster Under My Bed by James Howe. It’s speaks playfully but powerfully to that irrational fear of the dark that so many of us struggled with. And, of course, most of us came to realize that the monster existed only in our imaginations.

But there’s another monster that lurks for many of us. It’s called our email inbox. And it’s real!

I shared my Time Mastery training workshop recently in NYC. The CEO of the company admitted to me he had thousands of emails in his inbox, many of them unread!

Talk about lions and tiger and bears. Oh my!

All of us are inundated with emails every single day. And for many, the inbox becomes a vast wasteland of garbage and chaos.

It’s time to manage the monster.

Start by applying what I call The Three Ds: Do. Delegate. Delete.

By Do, I mean respond in that moment to the email; or if it requires no response and is important as a record, file it in an appropriate folder, moving it from your Inbox.

Delegate means forwarding it, in that moment, to your assistant or colleague together with appropriate instructions to be handled by that other person.

Delete means getting rid of it. Right then.

By the way, take the time, in the first instance, to unsubscribe to unwanted emails or mark them as spam (of course, the exception to this would be emails from me). And set appropriate filters to segregate emails for easier review. (Gmail is especially useful for this practice.)

Ok, you say… but I’m that CEO with 2000 unanswered emails in my Inbox. I’m drowning. Tell me how to start!

Declare email amnesty. Set up a file folder called Old Inbox. Move your entire Inbox to that folder. And start again.

This way, you can begin anew with these more powerful practices. If something crops up from an old email, you’ll be able to find it. The likelihood is that you’ll discover that the Old Inbox is kinda like that shabby cardboard box that’s been sitting in the back of your garage for the last 6 years… good for not much of anything. (But, of course, if you’re in a profession like law or medicine or financial services, you probably shouldn’t just chuck it.)

When I was a student at Cornell Law School, there was a grand old movie, based on a book, about legal education called The Paper Chase. Indeed, when I first started practice, it was all about the paper. Email, and its attendant technologies, was supposed to cure us of that. But alas, we’ve been left with a monster.

But it can be tamed.

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By the way, here’s a short video I recorded on the topic for The Connecticut Bar Association that you might enjoy:

If I Call You, Please Don’t Answer

by Walt | Mar 5, 2015 | Success | 0 Comments

During a job interview, a client of mine received a phone call. She answered.

A realtor friend told me that his broker expected him to answer every phone call he received regardless of what he was doing; and, in no event, should he ever take more than 9 minutes to return a call.

The general manager at the hotel we stayed at took a phone call in the middle of a conversation we were having about my reservation.

We were at one of our favorite restaurants. Five women came in and sat down at the table next to us. Every one of them pulled out their smartphones and began to talk or text.

It is the paradox of connection: that the more our technology allows us to connect, the more disconnected and fragmented we become.

Research in the field of interruption science shows that, following an interruption like a phone call, it takes us (physiologically) 25 minutes to refocus. On average, most of us experience interruptions every 11 minutes in the day. Which means that, not only do we feel like we can never catch up, we never really can.

On top of the stress and overwhelm caused living in a state of continuous partial attention, there is a huge relational cost. (You know how you feel when someone you’re with answers the phone or sneaks a look at a text.)

The young interviewee (of course) didn’t get the job. When my realtor friend takes a phone call while showing a property to a client, he dishonors both relationships. The general manager at the hotel couldn’t possibly take care of two guests at once. And the women at the table next to ours missed out on the opportunity to connect with one another.

So consider these ideas as possible ways to reconnect with yourself and those around you:

Voice mail exists for a reason. Use it

Turn your phone off when you are otherwise engaged

Don’t slap your phone down on the table at the restaurant; it tells your colleagues you’re already distracted

Don’t sleep with your phone; it’s toxic and depleting

Have a smartphone free dinner (or weekend!)

When you’re in a conversation with a client, be in that conversation. When you’re on the phone, be on the phone. When you’re with your friends and family, be with your friends and family.

Relationships fuel our businesses (and our lives). Our real presence, our complete attention: these are the most powerful gifts of our humanity.

Do one thing; and then the next. And if I call, you don’t need to answer.

You’re A Fake & I Know It!

by Walt | Feb 26, 2015 | Leadership, Success | 10 Comments

John was being interviewed about his distinguished career as an anthropologist. He was smart, witty, inciteful. A true professional. The real deal.

Except that he wasn’t.

John was a classmate of mine at a recent conference I attended to hone my public speaking skills. And this was an on-camera exercise he was chosen to participate in.

Even though John was a financial planner, he was told to play the role of an expert anthropologist, despite knowing jack shit about anthropology.

But he was amazing!

Those of us in the audience learned a lot about speaking on camera.

But there was an even more important lesson.

Every single one of us, at one time or another, feels like a fraud. We think we’re not “good enough.” We’re convinced – we’re absolutely certain – that we’ll be “found out” for the inadequate fools we think we are.

No one escapes.

Even those of us who speak on stage.

But watching John “be” the anthropologist with such poise, ease, dignity and grace reminded us all that the stories we tell ourselves about how (we’re convinced) the world will see us (with all of our imperfections) are just that: stories; stories that we make up in our minds.

The truth is that, for the most part, those in the “world” (those you’re absolutely sure will find you out) are much too busy worrying about their own stories of adequacy and worth. And that when you step up to share those gifts that are uniquely yours to share, others are judging themselves far more often than they are judging you.

So be fearless. (Or, as Susan Jeffers says, feel the fear and do it anyway!)

If John can “be the anthropologist,” then I certainly can be me. And you can certainly be you.

And, I dare say, that’s enough.

Road Blocks & Hula Hoops

by Walt | Feb 19, 2015 | Success | 0 Comments

“I need to do some research on the market.”

“I need another certification.”

“I need to build a website.”

“I’m not sure of my target audience.”

“I think there’s a seminar I should take first.”

“I’m still a bit unclear about my message.”

“I don’t really know what to start writing about.”

“I’ve never spoken to a group before.”

“I’m too young.”

“I don’t have enough experience.”

“I think I might be too old.”

And on and on and on…

In the course of my coaching, I hear them all. Every single one of them.

The excuses we all create for not beginning, for not starting out, for not taking action. The obstacles we set up; the hurdles we drag out; the hoops we think we need to jump through .

We do this because we are afraid.

We fear that we are not enough. We fear ridicule and condescension. We fear failure. We fear success.

It’s easier to stay put, stay safe.

It’s easier to pretend. It’s easier to be ‘busy’ doing things that we tell ourselves are ‘conditions’ for taking action… rather than really taking action.

Rather than risking.

If it looks important and sounds important it surely must be important.

Maybe we can fool the world. But not ourselves.

In staying safe, we’re playing small.

And the world so desperately needs those gifts that are yours alone to give: your writing, your speaking, your coaching, your art, your service, your teaching, your product, your ideas.

By taking action, you will find your direction, discover your voice, clarify your vision, define your mission.

By taking action, you will draw to you opportunities and resources and people who will support you.

By taking action, you will discern what you really need to sustain you on your journey.

By taking action, you will learn what works well and what needs to be tweaked.

By taking action, even when you fail from time to time, you will move closer to your goals.

You could stay put (safe) for the next six months… and be nowhere in the direction of your dreams in six month’s time. Or you could start out on your desired path, fully fail for half the time… and be well along toward what you truly want.

There are enough real obstacles that will rise up along the way.

You need not create any of your own.

Build it, discover it, create it, refine it… Do it on the go.

Don’t wait. There’s nothing else you need to do.

And there is no time to waste.

Start. Today.

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This is an encore of a post first published on February 13, 2014.

Just One Thing

by Walt | Feb 12, 2015 | Success | 0 Comments

The phone rings. A fax comes in. There’s an email alert. Your associate needs help. The school calls about your sick child. Your Outlook chimes. There’s a LinkedIn request to connect. You’re mentioned on Twitter. Your associate needs help. Your gCal pops up. A text comes in from an unhappy client. Someone ‘likes’ your post on Facebook. Your partner messages you about dinner plans. There’s a customer at the desk.

“I really like my work,” Dan said after the talk. “It’s just that I get to the end of the day and I feel so scattered and unfocused. It’s exhausting”

I had been speaking to a group of attorneys about emotional wellness and sustainable peak performance.

Dan is not alone.

We live in a culture of distraction. We suffer from information overload.

Everything seems urgent; everything competes for our attention; everything wants to be done… now.

Except that it can’t be.

We can only do one thing at a time.

It’s when we delude ourselves and pretend that we can do it all – and all at once -that we deplete our limited resources.

We love to indulge the myth of multi-tasking. We love to feel significant and needed.

But the hits of cortisol are addictive. And continuous partial attention extracts a huge toll.

Without laser-like focus,

We make mistakes.

We’re unproductive.

We become emotionally fragile.

We experience stress and overwhelm.

We dishonor our relationships.

We miss opportunities.

We end up being poor stewards of our time.

Focus is fuel. Focus is power.

Focus is the doorway to creativity and innovation.

You nurture focus through practice; you strengthen it like a muscle.

If you want to be resourceful and resilient; if you want to create deep relationships and change lives; if you want to advance your career or grow your business; if you want to serve at the very highest level and make an impact in the world, then focus.

Do just one thing.