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Selfish Dreams

by Walt | Mar 14, 2013 | Journeys, Success | 0 Comments

“I have a bone to pick with you.”

I had been stuffing my laptop back into its bag after the talk. I turned around and stared at the well-dressed gentleman in his mid-fifties. He had been in the audience on the right. His eyes drilled into me.

“Following your dreams is selfish,” said the man.

I had been speaking to a group of entrepreneurs and business folks about my book, Journeys on the Edge: Living a Life That Matters. Its overarching message: live your dreams before the clock runs out. In my talk, I say that our dreams are the engines of our hearts.; that they reflect the essence of who we are; that we must live our dreams if we are to live at all.

“Well, I must respectfully disagree with you,” I said.

I was about to say that, if we are to live fully, deeply and well, we must pursue what brings us joy; that when we live in joy, we bring our best selves to the world. I was about to say that, in order to serve others well, we must first be whole and complete in ourselves.

But before I could get another word out, the man asked, “What about Beck Weathers? Weathers nearly died! Think of the hardship he caused his family, all because he dreamed of climbing Everest! How selfish can you be?”

Weathers, a pathologist, was involved in the ill-fated 1996 Everest debacle. Left for dead after a brutal storm high on the mountain, Weathers staggered back to high camp and was later airlifted in a daring high-altitude helicopter rescue. He lost his nose and parts of both feet.

I told my listener that the Weathers accident was unfortunate.

I wanted to tell him about my friend Chris whose life slipped away in my arms after a head-on motor vehicle accident on an ordinary Sunday afternoon on a clear stretch of road not far from where I live. I wanted to share with him the story that Joan Dideon tells about how her husband died as they sat down to dinner. “Life changes in an instant, in an ordinary instant,” she says. (And it does.)

I wanted to tell him that we cannot give what we do not have; that in order to share the fullness of life, we must first know the abundance of life; that in order to share joy, we must find joy; that in order to give love, we must first love ourselves; that in order to reflect peace, we must first know it in our hearts.

I wanted to tell him that life is short; that life is risky. But that even in the face of risk, we are challenged – indeed we are called – to make our lives extraordinary.

And to be extraordinary means expressing – and, yes, sharing – the very core of who we are in the world. Without compromise.

He was in a hurry though. He said his piece. And off he went.

This is an encore of a post first published on November 17, 2011.

Get your signed copy of Journeys on the Edge: Living a Life That Matters. Click HERE.

I Want To Be A Bufflao

by Walt | Mar 7, 2013 | Leadership, Success | 1 Comment

I do. Let me tell you why.

When I have a big project looming on the horizon, I often get overwhelmed. At first I pretend that the project doesn’t exist. Then I pretend that the deadline doesn’t exist. Then when the deadline stares me in the face, I panic. The panic drives me to avoidance. The avoidance results in further delay which results in a further compression of time which results in hysteria which finally results in action.

None of this would be necessary if I were a buffalo.

I’m not terribly good at confrontation. (A rather horrifying confession to make as one trained as a trial lawyer.) If I have to confront a client on a difficult issue, usually involving money, my anxiety level spikes. I get preoccupied with other matters which I pretend have greater priority to justify to myself and to others that I am very busy and important and rather above the messy business of confrontation. I do this with children and bankers and car mechanics and just about anyone else with whom I should be clear and direct, hoping that the need for communication or redress will somehow evaporate with the passage of time or the onset of dementia.

If I were a buffalo, this would not be the case.

Sometimes when I think about sitting down to write or to create, I find myself fighting the great demon: Resistance. I decide that it is time to clean the counters, alphabetize the recyclables, clip coupons or floss my teeth. Certainly the blog will require research: yes research, that’s the ticket; not writing; not just yet. And the inbox: now’s the time to respond to at least a dozen of the 1300 unread messages. And, before I write, I will certainly need to update my status on Facebook: “Just about to write.”

This would be ridiculous if I were a buffalo.

There are times when I am afraid. Like before a speech or a big presentation or a trial or a major expedition or a new project or a medical procedure or a big investment; or like when the market tanks or business is off or the associate quits; or like when what I hoped wouldn’t happen did. Then I shut down, hide out, bury myself under the covers. I turn inward, go incommunicado. And engage that other great demon: Avoidance.

This would not be something I would do were I a buffalo.

That’s because buffaloes know a secret: overwhelm and avoidance and resistance and fear aren’t real. They’re illusions.

Of course they seem pretty damn real. And they certainly feel pretty damn real. But they have no substance to them. They can’t be touched or held. They have no weight or physical substance. And when we face into them, they dissolve. When we stare them down, they disappear.

When we move forward in the face of Overwhelm, when we confront in the face of Avoidance, when we create in the face of Resistance, when we act in the face of Fear, we discover what was true from the very beginning: that we are powerful beyond our understanding, and that the Universe has been waiting for us all along to support us with passion and purpose and possibility.

Now buffaloes may not really know anything about all of this existential stuff; they may think overwhelm and resistance and avoidance are real. Hell, they may even be scared shitless from time to time.

But – and here’s the key – buffaloes don’t act that way.

Wilma Mankiller, the first female principal chief of the Cherokee nation, once described the difference between cows and buffaloes: cows run away from an oncoming storm; the buffalo, on the other hand, turns and charges directly into the storm. And gets through it quicker!

“Whenever I’m confronted with a tough challenge, I do not prolong the torment. I become the buffalo,” she said.

I want to be a buffalo. What about you?

This is an encore of a post first published on January 27, 2011.

Lost and Found

by Walt | Feb 28, 2013 | Finding The Way, Journeys, Success | 1 Comment

My eyes scanned the shelves. I nodded and I smiled.

I recognized that I owned nearly all of the self-help books in the store. And I knew in that moment that I was finally on the road to getting better.

That was well more than a decade ago now. Yet I remember clearly the bleakness of that time. How very lost I felt.

Divorced; single parenting; raising boys; practicing law.

Making lunches; taking kids to school; racing to work; getting the calls from daycare, the fever of 102º; the homework; the soccer games; the parent-teacher meetings; the calls from the principal; and, oh yes, the clients and the cases and the employees and the office management.

Falling into bed at night, exhausted and depleted. One day melting into the next; every day like the last.

And wondering: Is that all there is? What in god’s name is the point?

Dante wrote,

Midway on our life’s journey, I found myself in dark woods, the right road lost. To tell about those woods is hard — so tangled and rough and savage that thinking of it now, I feel the old fear stirring… .

(Yup. He sure had that right.)

The truth is: All of us get lost from time to time. We lose our way. The road gets rough and savage and really hard.

None of us escapes. (It’s what brings many folks to coaching.)

And there really is no way out of that dark wood.

The only way out is through.

Good teachers and mentors and therapists, and of course dear friends, can help us along the way.

But only we can do the heavy lifting.

Nietzsche wrote, “Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.’

Rediscovering our purpose, reclaiming our sense of meaning, finding again that grand vision for our lives, allowing for the possibility of our dreams, getting in touch again with what quickens our hearts, what fires our imaginations: This is where the work is done. These are what finally lead us to the forest clearing.

Because our purpose is our power; and a purpose driven life is a life on fire.

I remember climbing Mt. St. Helens after it had erupted, the volcanic ash ankle deep, two steps up, one step back. A demoralizing slog.

But the view; oh the view from the top, across that landscape of renewal and regrowth: It was magnificent.

And the slide back down the hill such fun.

It’s kinda like that.

So don’t despair. You will find your way through.

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Purpose work is some of the toughest work people do. I know that it’s some of the toughest I have ever done. Coaching folks along this path is a tremendous privilege. As a way of giving back in gratitude for those who walked the path with me, and for the lessons I have learned along the way, I’m teaming up next week with a friend and coaching colleague for an hour-long teleclass to talk about purpose and meaning and finding the way. Join us. There’s no charge, no up-sell. Just a bit of perspective from the top of the hill.

Click HERE to join us.

Why Happiness Is Old School

by Walt | Feb 21, 2013 | Finding The Way, Journeys, Success | 4 Comments

Happiness is all the rage these days. A good thing, I say.

Gretchen Rubin’s book has been on the New York Times bestseller list for a bazillion weeks. And Shawn Achor’s getting 15 grand a pop for his keynotes on happiness.

(That sure would make me happy!)

Last month, there were 5 million Google searches worldwide using the keyword happiness. And there are more than 25,000 books in print that have something to do with happiness.

So I guess it’s kinda a big deal.

I tend to think so… I talk about it a lot in my own keynotes.

It’s a key to our success, I think. And, it’s a choice.

A colleague challenged me last week over my happiness toot. He said that the pursuit of happiness is a narcissistic, superficial, self-serving preoccupation of the modern world.

I had to think about that for a bit.

Not that I don’t have a capacity for self-serving pre-occupation; but, I think my colleague is wrong.

Granted he grew up in a third world country. And I get it that folks who are scrounging for food and just getting by don’t have the luxury of existential reflection. Don’t Worry, Be Happy isn’t likely a theme song.

And yet…

Some of the happiest folks I’ve ever come across in my travels are folks who have far fewer bells and whistles and toys than most of us have.

So I had to go back and dig deep into my thinking on this thing called happiness.

Turns out that long ago and far away Aristotle had some things to say about it: He thought happiness was the central purpose of human life!

But here’s the rub: Turns out that Aristotle and, later, John Locke and Thomas Jefferson (you, know that ‘pursuit of happiness thing’ in the Declaration), when they were all talking about happiness, weren’t referring to beach volleyball, cigarette boats or Paris in the springtime. They were talking about fulfillment, the attainment of our human potential, and the depth and meaning of our lives.

I came across a great article from The Atlantic, a rather dense deconstruction of happiness and meaning. Seems like Aristotle probably had it right all along.

The article spends a fair bit of time reflecting on Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search For Meaning, a book I love. Frankl was the Austrian psychiatrist interned in the Nazi death camps, who lost his entire life’s work (and, oh yes, his wife and his parents too) . Through his words and his actions, Frankl taught that happiness is a byproduct of the choices we make in every moment, regardless of our circumstances; that happiness is really about valuing our own uniqueness; and that it is only in the service of others that our deepest meaning – and greatest happiness – can be found.

(Or perhaps finds us?)

The pursuit of happiness – that happiness so fundamental to the fabric of our nation – that happiness that we search for and write and talk about – that happiness that always seems to be just beyond our reach and yet so key to our success – is not about our things.

It’s about how we connect with others. It’s about how we show up in the world.

It is about how we choose to frame our lives. Even in the midst of hardship.

It is a necessary quest. It is essential to our wholeness.

It is our wholeness.

So go out and give and love and share and serve.

Don’t hold back.

Choose in every moment to live out the highest expression of yourself.

Choose to believe that you will make a difference in the lives of others.

And (don’t worry); you’ll be happy.

Danger Will Robinson

by Walt | Feb 14, 2013 | Leadership, Success | 0 Comments

“The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise.” –Tacitus

Danger. And opportunity.

Risk. And reward.

I thought about these things as I was watching the Weather Channel from the warmth of the Dunkin Donuts… just before Ann and I headed off into the White Mountains for a day of climbing.

The weather folks – all wearing arctic gear and carrying yardsticks – were sounding the alarm: a nor’easter bearing down; a dangerous storm; a storm of historic proportions. Cataclysmic even.

Buy batteries; and flashlights; stock up with food and water; stay inside; hide out; don’t move.

We moved. And climbed and laughed and shivered. The wind tossed us around. But we experienced the beauty and the grandeur and the power of the storm. We connected with the mountains we so love; and with each other. We had a blast.

The Chinese symbol for danger is also read as opportunity.

The truth is, there is no reward without some risk.

But sadly, as a culture, we’re told that risk is bad. Playing it safe is “in.”

Insure everything; protect it all; risk nothing.

But here’s another sad truth: When we play it safe, we play small.

It is those who have dared to push beyond the boundaries in medicine, science and technology; those who have dared to defy the odds in adventure, athletics and exploration; those not concerned by perception or bound by convention; who lead the charge, who make the breakthroughs, give us wonder, and reap rewards.

In every recession giants of industry and enterprise have been created. In every market crash millionaires are made.

In every arena victory belongs to those who confront their fears and, in the face of failure, in the face of risk, step boldly forth.

Meg Cabot writes, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.”

Leadership expert Robin Sharma says, “Do work that scares you (If you’re not uncomfortable often, you’re not growing very much.” As entrepreneurs, he says, “We’re paid to be scared. We’re paid to play out on the edges.”

The message of my own book Journeys on the Edge is that life is lived most poignantly out there; that we come most alive out there on that edge.

Of course, we can cower. And many will. But none of us will get out of this thing called life alive.

So why not dare to dream; dare to live out loud; dare to play full out?

Dare to make your life extraordinary.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.”

What will it be for you today?

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