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Grow & Scale A Business That Will Set You Free
Be A Slasher
So who do you want to be? What slashes do you want to add to your identity?A guitarist/sales person/bike rider? A lawyer/rower? A water- colorist/psychologist? A rabbi/comedian? Or maybe an entrepreneur/inventor/writer/printer/politician like Ben Franklin?We get to choose.Brene Brown, in her beautiful book, the Gifts of Imperfection has the perfect answer to the question ‘what do you do?’She responds by asking, “How long do you have?”Don’t Lean
There seems to be a lot of “leaning” going on these days.
Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In is #1 on the list of New York Times Bestsellers. Sandberg says that women unintentionally hold themselves back from successful careers; that they need to be more proactive, more assertive; that in their pursuit of corporate success, they “need to sit at the table, seek challenges, take risks, and pursue their goals with gusto.”
On the other hand, Elaine Pofeldt, writing in this month’s issue of Money magazine, warns that too much ‘leaning in’ may be exhausting. She suggests that if we want more fulfilling lives, maybe we should “lean out,” get off the treadmill, leave the high-powered job and pursue work that is more satisfying and rewarding.
I wonder if we should be doing less leaning and more listening.
Recent figures suggest that nearly 70% of folks are unhappy with their work.
Maybe the old metrics of success aren’t working.
Maybe the answer is not to lean in… or to lean out… but to get clear.
Again.
Reclaim what is was that quickened your heart; discover again what ignites your spirit.
When we’re little, we have such grand, clear visions for our lives: what we want to be, what we want to do, where we want to live, where we want to go and who we want to do it all with. And then somewhere, often, the cart goes off the track. We get sucked down rabbit holes in our careers and our personal lives… and one day we wake up wondering how we got ‘here’ and whether it’s ‘too late’ to change course.
It’s never too late to change course.
As a coach, I work with folks who feel so trapped.
But we are the jailors and we hold the key. 
Stop looking for the answers outside yourself, among the gurus and the pundits. Turn down the volume. Get quiet.
Ask yourself these questions:
• What are the circumstance of my life asking of me right now?
• What is it that I really, really want?
• What is my heart calling me to do?
• What excites me?
• Where would my gifts shine most brightly?
• What would be “too much fun” to do?
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life,” Steve Jobs once said. “Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
You don’t need to lean. Stand tall. Listen to your heart. It always knows the way.
R U A Zombie?
A couple of weeks ago, Ann and I saw the summer thriller World War Z. It’s about a pathogen gone wild that turns folks into zombies.
Once infected, their eyes glaze over. They become dull and lifeless until they’re stressed by sound. Then they become dangerously aggressive running wildly in packs.
They’re the ‘un-dead.’
But they might as well be dead.
Are you a zombie?
I’ve just started working with a professional who puts in 17-hour days, seven days a week. He doesn’t know how to stop. He has hasn’t taken a vacation in years. His health is failing. His marriage is suffering. And, despite all the time he spends, his business is unraveling.
He’s stressed and lifeless and running around madly; trying desperately to keep all the balls in the air.
He’s definitely a zombie.
But he’s not alone.
So many of the folks who seek out Ann and me for coaching have lost control of their time; they’ve lost sight of their boundaries; they wake up every day feeling exhausted and depleted; feeling as if they’re already behind; then they run around madly all day long trying desperately to accomplish enough – to be enough; then they fall into bed at the end of the day feeling worn out and frustrated and empty… only to wake up and do it all over again. 
The answer, they think, is to double down. Get busier; work harder; put in more hours.
I know. I owned that tee shirt once. (I had a secretary years ago who referred to me – not so lovingly – as a ‘hamster on a wheel.’ And truth be told, it felt just that way.)
But there is a better way. And it’s not about doing more or accomplishing more or being more.
(In fact, we are already enough, just as we are.)
• It’s about getting clear about our purpose; about our vision for our lives.
• It’s about saying ‘no’ to what’s not working so that we can say ‘yes’ to what is.
• It’s about foregoing the urgent for what is truly important.
It’s about discovering work that makes our hearts sing. It’s about nurturing the relationships that matter. It’s about caring for these magnificent bodies that carry us on this journey.
It’s about resting and recharging and reclaiming ourselves.
Peak performers: They know the secrets:
They know it’s not about working harder.
They’re they ones whose lives are rich and full and happy; who wake up every day excited and on fire about what lies ahead.
They’re the ones who know the rhythms of work and rest and play. They’re the ones with the light in their eyes and the spring in their step.
You can learn these secrets too.
Zombies. They should stay in the movies.
Do You Use Bad Language?
My mother used to threaten to wash my mouth out with soap. Those of you know me well can probably guess why. 
All of us, though, have the capacity for bad language. And I’m not talking about the f-bomb kind.
What I’m talking about is the language we use when we view the world, when we consider our challenges, when we evaluate those around us; when we judge ourselves.
Is the world a benevolent place that seeks our good? Or is is dark and foreboding?
Do we ask what might go right? Or what will go wrong?
Are other people fellow journeyers on the path? Or predators waiting to take advantage of us?
How we “language” dictates how we feel about what “happens” to us:
Tony Robbins tells a story about a friend of his who got stuck in a broken-down, open-topped vehicle in the the jungles of Africa as night fell. His friend said: “My, this is inconvenient.”
- Is the line at the DMV, yet another example or government’s ineptitude? Or a chance to chat with a stranger?
- Is the traffic jam a disaster of existential proportion likely to lead to catastrophe and the demise of business as we know it? Or a magnificent opportunity to listen to some beautiful music or an inspiring lecture?
- Is the deal that just fell through the last best chance for profit and prosperity? Or is it a sign that a better opportunity lies ahead?
How we “language” what we face impacts how we feel about others:
Jack Canfield tells the story of standing in a line behind a man who was upbraiding a hotel clerk. Apparently the clerk had been unable to accommodate the man’s request for a larger room. The man went away extraordinarily angry. When Canfield’s turn came at the desk, he complimented the clerk on the kind and patient way in which the clerk had handled an unpleasant customer. The clerk responded, “The man probably was just having a bad day. He’s probably a very nice person.”
- What if the guy who cuts you off in traffic is really on the way to the hospital to see his dying mother? Would you feel the same rage?
- What if the cop who angrily tickets you for speeding just tried unsuccessfully to resuscitate an infant? Would you have the same indignation?
- What if your boss who has ignored your last two emails has just discovered that her daughter is hooked on heroin? Would you be so annoyed?
How we “language” impacts what we believe about ourselves:
- Do we believe that we are capable? Or that we lack in essential skills?
- Do we believe that we’re deserving? Or that the train has passed us by?
- Do we think that we’re the victor? Or do we play the victim?
How we “language” dictates our success:
- Are there options? Or blind alleys?
- Are there opportunities? Or just dangers?
- Are there possibilities? Or just problems?
From the start, we set the stage. Joel Osteen suggests that before we get up in the morning, we tell ourselves these words: “This day will be a great day. I’m expecting God’s favor. I know I’m well able to fulfill my destiny. I’ve been empowered to overcome every obstacle. I have the strength to overlook every offense. I have the grace to rise above every disappointment. Even if things don’t go my way today, I know God’s in control, and that I’m making up my mind right now to be happy and enjoy this day.” That would sure switch things up, wouldn’t it?
What if you used “good” language? What if you believed that anything were possible? What if you believed that you could make your wildest dreams come true? What if you believed that the Universe conspired for your good? What if you believed that the world was an abundant place and that there was enough to go around? How would that change up the way you approached the world?
Negativity pervades. How we language is a constant struggle. And yes, I’m fairly certain that my mother still wants to wash my mouth out with soap.
But Cy Coleman wrote, “The Best Is Yet To Come.” How ’bout we all work with that?
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This is an encore of a piece first published on August 12, 2012.
You’re A Fraud
Not.
But chances are that you’ve felt like one from time to time.
I had dinner recently with a high-ranking foreign official. She was appointed to her position by the president of her country, the first woman to hold it in over 700 years. Trained as a trial lawyer, she is bright, savvy, shrewd, articulate and attractive. And yet, she confessed, after every television and radio interview she does – and she does many – she comes away feeling like she’s making it up as she goes along, that she’s shallow and transparently inept, that she must have fooled someone to hold such an important job, that she’s… a fraud. 
She’s not alone. More than 70% of folks have suffered from the “Imposter Syndrome;” and it is especially prevalent among successful women.
I can’t remember a time that I haven’t questioned myself before going out on stage to speak to a group: There is a little voice that asks, “Who am I to teach these things I want to say; what can I share with this audience that is of any use whatsoever; and what veracity does any of it have especially when I’ve struggled and thrashed as much if not more than the next guy?”
But here’s the truth: Each of us has gifts and talents that are uniquely ours to share with the world; no on else is equipped to share them the way we can.
And it is our call, our obligation to do so.
There are folks on the path behind us who need to hear what we have to say; who want to hear. We can make their way sweeter and gentler when we have the courage to stand up and be heard.
Every third grader looks up to a fourth grader… each of us can turn around and share the lessons that we’ve learned.
With confidence and integrity… even when we’re scared; even when we feel we have no “standing.”
Marianne Williamson says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
No one escapes these feeling of inadequacy.
It’s what you do next that matters most: Will you shrink? Or will you step up and lead?
There is a great children’s book called Everyone Poops.
Yup, everybody does.
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