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Read The Directions

by Walt | Apr 12, 2012 | Journeys, Success | 0 Comments

I failed the test. Again.

It was the same damn test that I’d failed in Fourth Grade.

Maybe you remember something like it yourself: It starts out with a clear mandate to read the directions; the directions are lengthy; and then there are the questions. Buried deep in the directions, somewhere toward the end, is the real crux of the exam: it reads something like this, “if you’ve read the directions this far, put down your pencil, the exam is done.”

Of course, being the type A driver, achiever that I am, I looked at the directions and said, blah, blah, blah, been there, done that, seen it all before, let’s get down to business. I had studied hard, made my flash cards, done my homework. I was ready. The questions were easy. I was nailing them. Until I realized that I wasn’t; that something was terribly off; that others were looking up and smiling.

Motherfucker.

That’s the problem when we think we know so much; when our cup is full.

We miss stuff. Important stuff.

We close ourselves off to the present moment. We fail to see what is new and exciting and different and significant. We miss what’s right in front of our eyes.

Kids are so much better than we are when it comes to this. (Could it be that the biblical invective to be as children are might mean something here?) They can watch the same show, see the same movie, hear the same bedtime story, all with the anticipation and joy and full engagement of the very first experience. Each time, new and different and interesting, all over again.

Not so much when we’re adults.

We categorize our experiences. We make up stories. Our minds get dull.

We come to the table with our assumptions and our judgments; with our “knowledge.” It all gets in the way. And then we miss what’s really going on.

A university professor went to visit a famous Zen master. While the master quietly served the tea, the professor talked on and on about Zen. The master poured the visitor’s cup to the brim, and then kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflowing cup until he could no longer restrain himself.

“It’s overfull! No more will go in!” the professor blurted.

“You are like this cup,” the master replied, “How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup.”

And so it is in our lives.

My skills as a business coach and trial lawyer serve me well. I can analyze situations and solve problems better than most. But, I can’t even begin to count the number of times that I’ve judged a person or a transaction or event based upon my own made-up stories… and been dead wrong.

How much richer life would be if we were to approach each and every moment, each and every interaction with our partners, children, friends, co-workers and clients, with curiosity and an open heart.

So read the directions carefully. They’re simple. Not easy, but simple. “Be here now. Fully present, fully engaged, with joyful wonder. Listen deeply, as if you were hearing it all for the very first time. Don’t miss a thing. And if you’ve gotten this far, put your pencil down. The exam is done.”

Remind Me

by Walt | Apr 5, 2012 | Journeys, Success | 0 Comments

A Guest Blog by Beth Jannery

Remind Me: Life is Made Up of Moments of Grace
Life is not to be endured. It is an opportunity to be of service, to enjoy, to grow and change and challenge ourselves. In life we have a choice: fill it with grace or stay in the negative. Recently, I went through a big change, divorce. It felt comfortable to stew in the negative. This wasn’t how I pictured my life at 40! And, like so many other women who have to start over, I felt overwhelmed, over-scheduled and less than.

With two daughters in 6th and 1st grade, it seemed the daily tasks of making lunches, doing loads of laundry, getting the kids off to school and paying the bills were about all I could do. But where was the grace in that?

I’m an over-achiever in recovery. A perfectionist who needed to hand in her to-do-list for a slap in the face with reality. Sure, I was told I could do what I love and the money would come, but I wanted instant gratification. I wanted it now! Where was my payoff? Where was my gold-star at the end of the day?

Sometimes, being an adult, being a real grown up, is shutting the hell up, setting my needs aside and digging in and doing what needs to be done. Right now I need to keep it simple; all I need to do is suit up and show up. That’s it. Like so many other women going through meaningful life changes, all I need to do is do the next right thing and have faith that the outcome isn’t up to me.

When bitching to a friend (Ann, the creator of the blog Starting Over) she “reminded me” that time take time. Change is gradual. Pain is optional. Growth is a must. I was reminded that there are many, many chapters to life and my book (literally) is still being written. There will be time for it all – and room for breathing space too. All I have to do is what’s in front of me. Nothing more, nothing less. And the gold-star at the end of the day? Well, I can’t look for one, or expect one. Moments of grace come when they come. We have to remind each other that if we keep doing the next right thing we’ll get a life filled with grace.

After sharing with Ann (another Mom who had been through a painful divorce with two children) the truth about feeling overwhelmed she suggested I set my “to do” list aside and simply write. So I did. And here is what came. I hope it will serve as a reminder to us all that small moments of grace are ours for the taking, if we keep on giving.

Remind Me

Remind me that a life caring for others is sometimes exhausting.
Remind me I’m doing just fine if I’m honestly doing the very best I can.
Remind me that I must do what I love.
Remind me no apologies are necessary for being exuberant, passionate and just a little bit selfish, as long as I’m following an authentic path.
Remind me that if I go to bed exhausted having fed the kids, got them to and from school, made ends meet, just for today, that is good enough.
Remind me that it is OK – in fact it is better than OK – to take a break from relationships and nurture my soul, craft, being, inner life, and passions.
Remind me that one day I’ll have the time and the energy and the inspiration (maybe even at the same time) to sit myself down to focus on the other stuff.
Remind me that I’m capable of doing what needs to be done.
Remind me that I’ve got a home run in me.
Remind me that the right here, the right now, is all that matters.
Remind me of one of my favorite expressions: Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is the day.
Remind me to stay in today. And that I was a child once, just like you.
Remind me to strive for hope, love and joy, and I’ll be on the right track.
Remind me that wanderlust isn’t always a bad thing.
Remind me to ask you what you love to do rather than what you do. Remind me to ask who you are rather than what you do. Remind me to question what stirs your soul rather than your job title.
Remind me to inhale deeply and breathe when all I want to do is scream.
Remind me to do something for someone else, and then never tell anyone about it.
Remind me to pay for the toll for the car behind me only to speed up and get away without needing a thank you. Remind me to hold the door and have no expectations.
Remind me to wake up each day and be OK doing the simple things.
Remind me to look at you in your eyes when we say good morning. And when I meet a stranger on the street, remind me to answer truthfully when asked: How are you?
Remind me to ask friends: How are you today? How are you really doing? And remind me to then listen.
Remind me to think about what you are saying rather than what I’m going to say next.
Remind me to pray for those I resent and to allow forgiveness to enter.
Remind me that bathing my children and filling their bellies and getting them to practices on time is all about showing up.
Remind me that I don’t need a gold star for doing what’s expected.
Remind me that when I humble myself to ask for help it is always there.
Remind me that when I forget about myself I am free and available to be there for others.
Remind me that today I have choices.
Remind me that relationships, real relationships with give and take and total honesty, are the crux of life. And remind me I can only learn and grow and change by letting another human being get close to my soul.
Remind me that in life everything comes down to either fear or love.
Remind me to choose love every single time.
Remind me that when I ache and tremble it will pass and give way to serenity and sunshine.
Remind me that I get out of life what I put into it. Remind me if I’m willing to do the work then I’ll get results.
Remind me that letting go is the only way. Remind me when I hold on too tightly I’m guaranteed to fail.
Remind me that if I cry now and then it is not a weakness. Remind me if you cry on my shoulder you are teaching me about the beauty of being vulnerable.
Remind me being vulnerable is being human. Remind me to be.
Remind me that I need to laugh more, because every time the wave of laughter washes over me I feel so damn good.
Remind me that there are simple miracles all around me. I need to open my eyes to witness them.
Remind me that I’m not in charge of other people. Remind me that with total acceptance I can shed a heavy load. Remind me that acceptance in all situations is the solution.
Remind me I need to live in the solution rather than contribute to the problem.
Remind me that forgiveness does not happen by me simply wanting it. I need to take action and decide to forgive.
Remind me that letting others off the hook is a gift.
Remind me that if I win someone else has to lose. Remind me it doesn’t feel very good to lose. Remind me that I’d rather be happy than right.
Remind me to be grateful for all of my teachers. And remind me part of contributing to life is passing it on.
Remind me that I live life in a way that is being true to myself without having to explain or justify my choices to anyone.
Remind me to appreciate the wonder of it all.
Remind me that my story is simple and I can have courage in all things.
Remind me to live life in the middle, neither wanting to rise to the top or sink to the bottom.
Remind me that someone must drive the bus, mow the lawn and dig the garden.
Remind me to take responsibility for my thoughts because they become words and then actions.
Remind me that the truth is good enough.
Remind me that I have brokenness but I am not fragile or broken.
Remind me that I need to pray, everyday, and believe in something greater than myself.
Remind me to ask how you are doing, instead of expecting you to ask how I am.
Remind me if I leave my ego at the door I will be open to new experiences.
Remind me to update my old way of thinking.
Remind me to look for the hidden gems and to unearth my authentic self.
Remind me that helping others helps myself.
Remind me to do what scares me.
Remind me that grace will find me if I open myself to her coming.
Remind me that I should stop gripping so tightly trying to create life and I can instead allow life to create me.
Remind me to bloom where I’m planted. And that sometimes we have to lose to win.
Remind me to honor the fine lines and embrace the lessons and ask for sage suggestions. And then I must listen.
Remind me that I don’t know is a brave statement.
And, yes, is a complete sentence.
Remind me that what I am writing or reading at this moment is exactly what I should be doing.
Remind me that everything, absolutely everything, is OK in this moment and just as it should be.
Remind me to observe my daughters climbing trees, scraping knees and building fairy houses. Remind me I’ll miss the fingerprints.
Remind me to get outside and breathe in nature, at least once a day. And that a simple walk can change my outlook. Remind me that it is ok to nap more and accomplish less.
Remind me to be gentle on myself and on others.
Remind me to let myself off the hook and to allow others to fail.
Remind me that I need to do it all over again tomorrow and turn to the quiet wind and whisper a thank you from deep within my heart.

___________________________________________

Visit Beth’s Website at: http://www.simplegracebooks.blogspot.com/

Crash and Burn

by Walt | Mar 29, 2012 | Finding The Way, Journeys, Success | 0 Comments

Imagine peace.
— Yoko Ono

I arrived in pretty rough shape.

I had committed to coming every three months.

It had been nearly a year since I’d been back.

In the intervening time, I had run 1000 training miles and two ultra-marathons; I had launched a new book and traveled around the country on a speaking tour; I had ramped up my professional coaching practice; managed my law firm; climbed on the highest mountain in the Western Hemisphere; developed and launched a new product; and begun an intensive training program to hone and sharpen my coaching skills.

I was spanked. And not in a good way.

Yes, the guy who talks the game of groundedness was wrung out. Again.

They say we teach what we most need to know. So forgive me if I teach this one once again.

Regardless of whether we are introverts or extroverts, regardless of our religious or spiritual traditions, regardless of our roles, our professions, our commitments: every now and then we need to stop. Really stop. Completely stop.

Most of us have lives that are pretty crazy. And although “busy” has become a badge of honor, studies show that nearly 80% of us feel overwhelmed and stressed.

We live for weekends and holidays; thirsting for some down time. But we’re addicted to our smartphones, tied to our computers, inundated with voicemails, deluged with emails; obsessed with status updates.

We are torn in a dozen different directions by the demands and expectations of our businesses and our professions often at the expense of our personal and family lives.

“Vacations,” when we take them, are often thinly veiled excuses for going back to work to “rest.”

We become like hamsters on a wheel that cannot stop.

We need to stop

> To renew our spirits
> To refresh our souls
> To listen to our hearts
> To hear the Still Small Voice that calls us to what truly matters
> To connect again with the ground, and the Ground of All Being.

We cannot be fully present to others if we do not nurture and care for ourselves. We cannot share our gifts with the world when we are fried.

I go to Weston Priory nestled on a hill in the Green Mountains of Vermont with a centuries-old Benedictine tradition of hospitality and refuge. I go there to feel the ancient rhythms. I go there to soak in the silence, the stillness, the peace. I go there to read and to write and reflect. I go there to walk the quiet roads, to sit in the Stone Chapel, to watch the afternoon light play on the hillsides, and to gaze at the stars in the inky blackness of the nights.

You don’t need to go to a monastery though. You can walk on a beach, hike in the mountains, sit by a brook, lay in a field. You can nail plywood to your windows, pull your computer cord out of the wall, turn off your phone and sit on your sofa.

The point is to STOP. Get quiet. Be still.

What my coaching clients seem to cry out for most is time management. Time, of course, can’t be managed. Time just is. We must manage ourselves. We are the only ones who can stop the wheel and step off.

Or we can crash and burn.

Stopping is a simple grace we give ourselves. We get to choose.

Uphill Through Waist-Deep Snow

by Walt | Mar 22, 2012 | Success | 3 Comments

When you are in a hurry, dress slowly.
— French Proverb

“How many of you feel as if you’re lives are way too busy?”

“How many of you fall into bed at night feeling frustrated that you didn’t accomplish anywhere near what you set out to accomplish in the day?”

Nearly all the hands go up in the audiences I speak to when I ask these questions.

Studies show that 50% of folks feel burned out by the end of their work week.

I recommend walking up hill through waist deep snow.

You see, the problem is that we’re overworked, underpaid, spread too thin; stretched in a hundred different directions; pummeled by demands from every quadrant of our lives.

We are constantly responding to the urgent. Never getting to the important.

We try to do so much that nothing really gets done.

Many days it feels as if we are fighting a forest fire with a squirt gun.

That doesn’t happen when you’re walking up hill through waist deep snow.

Walking up hill through waist deep snow is hard. It requires focus and attention. You can’t be doing your makeup with one hand while balancing a cup of coffee with the other. You can’t be futzing on your iPhone. You can’t be updating your status. You can’t respond to emails or voicemails. You can’t Skype. You can’t tweet. God, you can barely talk.

It’s one step in front of the other. That’s all there is. That’s all that’s possible.

Tell the truth now: Do you check Facebook while sitting in a meeting? Do you read your email on your iPhone while watching TV? Do you talk on your phone while grocery shopping? Do you watch TV while you make dinner and mediate a fight with your kids while your spouse tries to tell you about her day? Do you text while you drive (perhaps even just once)?

Me, I’ll assert my Fifth Amendments rights.

But I’m betting that there are some days that you feel so overwhelmed by all that you try to accomplish (all at the same time) that you just want to scream.

Here’s the rub: We think that multi-tasking increases our productivity, makes us more efficient. That’s what society tells us will work. It doesn’t. What’s true is that dividing our attention actually decreases our productivity by as much as 25%. When we try to accomplish everything at once, we actually accomplish less. And we do burn ourselves out.

Here are some tips:

1. Set aside some morning meditation time to get clear about your intentions for the day.

2. Decide each day on what’s truly important… to you. Do that first, to the exclusion of everything else.

3. Do just one thing at a a time, giving it your full focus and attention. Use “block time;” blocks of time devoted to returning calls and emails; blocks for your creative life; blocks devoted for your family and friends.

4. Don’t access your email first thing in the morning; your in-box contains only other people’s agendas.

5. Say “no;” yes, I said “no;” I know it’s not fashionable to say no, but remember what Gandhi said: “A ‘no’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.”

If these ideas don’t work, try walking uphill through waist deep snow.

It Can Be Fixed

by Walt | Mar 15, 2012 | Journeys, Success | 0 Comments

Success without fulfillment is failure.
— Anthony Robbins

It was 4:00 p.m., long after I should have turned around. It was snowing and blowing and thundering and lightening. And I was alone.

I had planned it for years and trained for months. I had spent 18 arduous days on the mountain, 5 above 20,000′. Now I had climbed to the highest point in the Western Hemisphere.

And there was nothing there.

Oh, sure, there was a small metal cross and some prayer flags and the various memorabilia that climbers leave behind on big peaks. And there was a (fleeting) sense of accomplishment. But there were no trumpets, no marching bands, no accolades, no “atta boys.” There were no trophies, no certificates, no awards. Just a cold wind… and an empty summit.

That’s the problem with success, of course. It’s often empty. When we finally get “there,” we’re not quite sure why we’ve worked so hard. And the success for which we long still seems to be over the next hilltop.

You see, the model is broken.

We’re taught: go to school, get good grades, work hard, get a good job, put in long hours, get promotions, make lots of money, buy lots of things. THEN you’ll be successful. THEN you’ll be happy. We parent, manage and motivate with this paradigm. And it’s wrong… by 180 degrees.

Psychologist Shawn Achor says that the main problem with this model is that “every time your brain has a success you change the goalposts for what success looks like.” This is prevalent in how we do our work, and it’s prevalent in our personal lives and consumerist lifestyles. There always seems to be this sense that on the other side of something (a new thing, a completed task, someone treating you a certain way) is where happiness lies. “If only I had this, I’d be happy.” “Once I reach this goal, I’ll be happy.” “As soon as she tells me she loves me, I’ll be happy.” And when we’ve achieved the big goal, the target is set still higher.

Success can never be achieved. Happiness can never be attained.

They are always beyond our reach when we live like this.

Happiness constantly pushed beyond the “cognitive horizon;” and thus eternally unavailable.

But there’s good news. It doesn’t have to be this way. Happiness can be taught. And it’s happiness that leads to success. NOT the other way around. Happiness and success are actually found in the valleys; not on some distant high summit.

Achor suggests some very simple practices:

Feeling Gratitude – Making note of three new things that you are grateful for every day.
Journaling – Recalling a positive experience that occurred over the last 24 hours, allowing your brain to re-live it.
Exercise – Getting physical teaches your brain that your behavior matters.
Meditation – Sitting still trains the brain to get over our “cultural ADHD,” and helps bring focus.
Random acts of kindness – Emailing one person in your social support network, praising them

Gretchen Rubin though her year-long Happiness Project also explores some fundamental ways in which to get in touch with what really makes our hearts soar. She says,

Let go
Lighten up
Remember that there is only love

I’m not saying “don’t worry, be happy.” God knows, there’s plenty to worry about. But what I am saying is that happiness is the most fundamental element of our success. And it doesn’t just happen. You can learn to do it.

Don’t wait. Start now.