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The Vortex Is Here

It’s December. And we’re being pulled into the vortex of time. The maelstrom is all around us! Can you feel it?

Perhaps it’s just me. But after Halloween, the year just seems to accelerate. After Thanksgiving, the days move forward at warp speed. The commitments and the demands and the lists and the expectations and the projects that need to be done – have to get done – before the end of the year seem to mount logarithmically. And then there are the card lists and the gift lists and the shopping and the holiday parties… .

It’s enough to make one want to jump ship… .

What to do?

Wrong question.

The question is what not to do.

The way out of the vortex – the only way – is the simplest and the hardest thing of all (at least it is for me). The only way out is to say “no.”

Saying “no” is not news and it’s not rocket science. All of the leadership and success books tell us that it is fundamental to our sanity and, paradoxically, a key to achieving our goals.

There is an article in Success Magazine entitled Actively Do Nothing. “People could improve their mental and physical health as well as their relationships by carving out a portion of their day to do nothing,” the article states.

Jack Canfield in his book The Success Principals recommends creating a “stop-doing”or “don’t do” list.

Ann and I met a woman at the gym a few months ago. We invited her to one of our Denali slide show presentations. Her response: “Thank you. But I ‘don’t do’ evening commitments.” We were really impressed by that.

So why is saying “no” so hard? Certainly, we’re conditioned from very early on that “no” is not the right answer. As time goes on, we also begin to layer on our own assumptions – whether true or not – about what others expect of us. Sometimes, I suspect, saying “yes” is just a habit. (I said yes to a commitment recently without even stopping to realize I would be out of the country during the time I had committed!) And for me, there is a healthy dose of narcissistic self-importance that loves to believe that somehow my presence is essential or that I am the only one who can do something.

So as the vortex swirls, I’m working on saying “no” more often.

I’ve started by asking myself whether a project or an invitation is one that I “should” do or accept rather than one I “want” to do or accept. I’m working at eliminating the “shoulds.”

Saying no to the non-essential allows us to be more fully present to what is most important. By doing less, we can pay closer attention to what is essential. And as The Little Prince reminds us, “what is essential is invisible to the eye.” It takes time to see.

The Carmelite monk William McNamara writes,

“We are not really practical, and we shall get nowhere, we shall never find life, life will escape us, unless we learn not to always be bustling about – unless we learn to be still, to let things happen around us, to wait, listen, receive, contemplate.”

“One final word on the subject of time,” McNamara says: screenshot-2016-11-30-10-55-31

“I suggest that we stop doing half the work that presently consumes us. Then let us attend to the remaining half wholeheartedly, with contemplative vision and creative love. I stake the authenticity of our lives and the effectiveness of our work on this radical shift.”

I described the vortex to a friend today as a giant flushing toilet bowl.

Not a great place to end up.

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Go HERE for 7 simple practices that will make life a whole lot saner.

 

 

 

Maybe You Need A Good Excuse

Excuses are good; really good. Because, if you’ve got a plausible excuse, then you’re safe… you don’t need to do anything; you don’t need to risk anything.

If you want to do, be or have something more for yourself; if you’d like your life to be different; if you’d like your health to be better; or if you’d like a job that makes you happy; or a relationship that makes your heart soar; and you’ve got an excuse… well, then, nothing really is required of you. Screenshot 2014-09-17 09.48.06

You can just sit tight. Stay comfy. And let the clock run out.

Or not.

The Biggies

Here are the excuses I hear most frequently from clients:

  • It’s not the right time. “I’m too old, too young, too fat, too out of shape. I need to save up some more money; I need to wait for the promotion or partnership or bonus; I need to wait until the kids are out of school; I need to wait until my partner retires or I retire; or… .”

The truth is: It’s NEVER the right time. There are ALWAYS obstacles. There are ALWAYS hurdles to jump; there are ALWAYS challenges to overcome.

Now is the only time you have. Tomorrow is promised to do one. Goethe says, “What you can do, or dream you can do, begin it; Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”

  • I could never do that. I’m not brave enough; fast enough; strong enough; fit enough; smart enough; wealthy enough; creative enough; ___________ enough.

I could never do that. I’m not enough.

It’s one of our core insecurities as human beings: That I’m not enough.

It’s why we strive. It’s why we have the Sistine Chapel and rocket ships and the computer and smartphones… because we achieve, we strive… because we forever strive… for more. But the worry that we’re not enough also stops us short; holds us back.

But we’re already enough. All we need is within us already.

Everyone starts from the same place. A Mozart, a Picasso, a Marconi; and some even start from hugely disadvantaged places: a Lincoln, a Mandela, an Oprah.

No matter where you start, you have enough – you are enough – to go the distance.

  • It will take too long. It will take 4 years for the degree; 7 years for the residency; 6 months to train for the race; a year to lose the weight; 3 to write the book; and who knows how long to find the ‘right one.’

So what? Who cares? The clock is ticking. The time will pass; whether you take the next step; or not.

It may well take you three years to launch your new business; but the three years will come and go even if you never launch.

Greatness takes time. The overnight success has spent many a sleepless overnight. And while maybe you won’t need 10,000 hours to sharpen your skills, you still need to put in the effort.

Opportunity often disguises itself as work; and work worth doing – legacy work, generational work, world-changing work – often takes a long time.

  • It’s too big; too hard. It’s complicated, confusing, overwhelming, I can’t figure it out. I don’t know where to research it; I don’t know who to talk to; I don’t know what to do next.

Even highly successful, highly accomplished professionals labor with this excuse. The more expert we become in a particular area, the more daunting it is to venture into a new one. We like the familiarity of our own turf.

And even highly successful folks have ‘blind spots.’ They may excel in the business life and struggle in their relationships; their finances might be stellar and their health in the toilet.

Too, we live in a culture of overwhelm. There’s so much flying at us all the time. We suffer from information overload. We resist wanting to take in more.

But what we need to remember is that every journey starts with a single step. Every ultra I’ve run, every mountain I’ve climbed… no matter how long or how big gets finished by taking one step… and then the next.

We want to see the entire way. But we don’t need to. “Take the first step in faith,” Martin Luther King, Jr. said. “You don’t need to see the whole staircase; just take the first step.”

In every endeavor, every business venture, every fitness goal, every financial objective, every marketing campaign, every piece of research, it’s just one step at a time.

And the hardest one is the first one. So just take it!

  • It’s too risky. I don’t want to fail; I don’t want to lose my job; I don’t want to lose money; I don’t want to get hurt in another relationship; I don’t want to get injured. It’s too dangerous.

This is the most pernicious excuse of all because it seems to make so much sense. Why take unnecessary risks… why put yourself in harm’s way?

Guess what? Life is dangerous. None of us gets out alive.

I have a buddy who has been on Mt. Everest twice; summitted once. He shattered his leg cleaning out the leaves from the gutters on his one-story house.

We like to believe in stability; in constancy. But the only thing that is constant, the only sure thing is that things will change.

Businesses collapse, partnerships fail, marriages come unraveled, layoffs happen, people get sick, markets crash. And as much as we like to maintain an illusion of control, we really don’t have very much at all.

Our comfort zones are called comfort zones because, well, they’re pretty damn comfy. But what’s true is that the magic happens just beyond. Our greatest breakthroughs… our very best lives… are just outside that place of comfort. Life rewards those who risk.

What’s Next?

So excuses are good; in fact, they’re great… if you want to stay stuck. Not so much if you want a big life. The stories we tell ourselves are just that: stories. It’s as easy to make up a small story as it is a grand one.

Grand is better.

What are your favorite go-to excuses? And what will you do now?

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When you’re ready to bust through, let’s connect. Email me: [email protected]

Why Expectations Don’t Work

He was so frustrated. “She should have known that I needed her here at noon.”

My client, a very successful attorney, was baffled by the fact her paralegal hadn’t shown up with the file she’d been sent out to get from another lawyer’s office.

“Did she agree to be here by noon?” I asked.

“What do you mean? She knows how important this case is.”

The classic trap that business leaders and professionals fall into.

You can manage by expectation. Or you can manage by agreement.

Agreement is better.

If my client had sent her para out on this mission, told her that he needed the file by noon, and then said, “So, can we agree that you’ll get it back here by noon?” then the paralegal’s lack of timeliness is on her. But there was no such conversation. My client’s exasperation was based purely on my client’s expectation of what someone else “should” know. expectations

(The para had stopped for lunch. She had no clue.)

We make this error often in our personal lives too.

If I come home after a long day at an event, and go straight to my office to return calls without stopping to connect with my wife, and she seethes because I should have stopped to have a conversation, that’s on her.

If, instead, she says, “Honey, you know, when you come in at the end of a day, I would so love to connect with you before you start returning your calls. Would that be ok? Could we agree to that?” and I do, then the next time I blow by forgetting about her is on me. I didn’t live up to the agreement.

People – paralegals, partners, teenagers – aren’t mind readers.

Expectations are the stories we create ourselves. And they’re unreliable.

Use agreements instead.

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When you’re ready to change up your leadership game, let’s talk. Email me: [email protected]

 

 

 

Hooked On Crack

I’m addicted. You are too.

Dopamine is the drug. Our smartphones are the delivery mechanism.

On average we check our smartphones 200 times a day. And every time we check them, we get a little hit of dopamine.

Dopamine is a pleasure-seeking neurotransmitter in the brain. It seeks out novelty. It’s stimulated by unpredictability. It thrives on anticipation. It wants more and different.

When we dive into our emails and text messages; when our news alerts go off; when we surf through Facebook and Twitter and LinkedIn; our brains are awash with dopamine.

And oh how we love our dopamine.

Like crack cocaine, it’s addictive.

The more we get, the more we desire it.

Research suggests that smartphone addiction can be every bit as powerful as drug addiction. Being away from our smartphones can leave us moody, anxious and panicky.

But that’s not the real downside.

Smartphone addiction robs us of our productivity.  Interruption science demonstrates clearly that when we shift our attention from one thing to another, there is a drag on our focus, an attention residue. The drag has been measured: It takes us at least 11 minutes to re-focus completely. So some simple math: 200 checks of the smartphone x 11 minutes of lost attention per check = 36.6 hours of lost attentive productivity each day. (Talk about deficit spending. Not only do we feel as if we never get caught up, the reality is that we never really do.) screenshot-2016-10-23-15-08-42

Smartphone addiction robs of our ability to connect: to really connect with one another on a deep and meaningful level. To be here now in this one and only moment. To breathe in the air. To experience the present. To really relate to and honor one another.

(Next time you’re standing in line, look around you. Almost every head is down. Getting another hit of dopamine.)

Even more than that, smartphone addiction cause our brains become soft. We lose the ability to focus. We lose the capacity to do deep, uninterrupted work. Work that matters. Creative work. Breakthrough work. Legacy work.

In The Shallows, Nicolas Carr says, “We willingly accept the loss of concentration and focus, the division of our attention and the fragmentation of our thoughts, in return for the wealth of compelling or at least diverting information we receive.”

In a New York Times piece entitled Addicted To Distraction, Energy Project CEO Tony Schwartz writes, “One evening early this summer, I opened a book and found myself reading the same paragraph over and over, a half dozen times before concluding that it was hopeless to continue. I simply couldn’t marshal the necessary focus.”

Schwartz is not alone. I experience the very same thing all too often.

We all love a good hit of dopamine.

But if you really want to succeed, if you really want to thrive, get clean. Do what Cal Newport refers to as Deep Work.

Get focused. The future will belong to those who can.

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Would you like to increase your focus and productivity? Go HERE now and download my free guide, 7 Productivity Hacks.

 

 

 

 

Set It & Forget It; Crash & Burn

I’m a big fan of systems.

Systems make things easy; safer too.

Pilots have systems; surgeons have systems; successful entrepreneurs and business professionals have systems.

Systems routinize. They reduce mind clutter.

You have a system for brushing your teeth. (Thank god, you don’t need to re-think that every single day.) You likely have a system for making your coffee; and onboarding clients; and scheduling appointments; and keeping track of your finances.

When you systematize things, you free yourself up. You can turn your attention elsewhere.

But you can’t just set them and forget them.

An airplane traveling between New York and London can be off course 90% of the time and still get to Heathrow, so long as the autopilot is making its moment to moment corrections. But if the autopilot goes awry, and the captain is asleep at the switch, the plane may end up in Cape Town.

Or worse.

A solo sailor in the around the world British Open Challenge ran his expensive, high performance racer onto an island in the middle of the night because of error in the auto pilot.

A coach of mine once said there are no people failures, only systems failures. If something in your business or your life isn’t working well, you need a better system.

Maybe. screenshot-2016-10-19-15-01-21

But I think we fail when we don’t check our systems to be sure they’re serving us well.

I recently checked the system I had put in place for one of my retirement accounts. Because I hadn’t reviewed it regularly, I belatedly discovered that I “enjoyed” a 15% return. But missed out on the 110% gain that I might have seen, had I been watching.

Oops.

That wasn’t a systems failure. That was my failure.

Good systems are essential for business (and life) success. And like everything in our planning practices, they need to be watched and reviewed.

You can set them and forget them; but you may crash and burn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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