Category Archives: Leadership

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The Silent Killer

You don’t see it; and yet it lurks. Unfettered. Unabated. Rampant.

It kills everything you value: SilentKiller

  • Your productivity
  • Your creativity
  • Your attention
  • Your time
  • Your relationships
  • Your sanity

Distraction. Distraction kills.

Every three minutes of the day, you suffer an interruption; or you interrupt yourself. And every time you are interrupted or distracted, it takes (read this as ‘costs’) you 11 minutes of your precious time to refocus. You don’t need to be a math wizard to see the impact: Not only do you feel as if you never really get caught up; you never really do.

Here are 5 ways to beat the killer at its own game:

1. Work in block time. Science shows that you work most effectively in uninterrupted 60 to 90 minute blocks of time in which you do just one thing. The operative words: uninterrupted; one thing.

2. Turn off your chimes and alerts. You control these. And unless you’re working on a space launch or you’re on call to deliver the next royal princess, it’s not likely that every single message or piece of information in real time is absolutely necessary.

3. Schedule your social media time. Social media is critically important to the success of most enterprises. But it’s an easy place to hide out when you’re feeling bored or stressed or aimless. (Or suffering a FarmVille detox.) So schedule the block of time when you’ll ‘do’ your social media; then do it; and move on.

4. Turn off your smartphone. Barack and Vladimir have ‘people’ who field their calls. But your world will not lapse into darkness if you miss a few. And the respite you enjoy will yield a 100 fold.

5. Go tech free. For an evening or a day or a week. Get off the grid entirely. Soak in the silence. Read, write, reflect, create. Be – really be – with yourself… and with those you love.

Distraction kills focus.

Focus is power. Your power.

Protect it. Defend it. Take it back.

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In A Foxhole

I didn’t see it at first. A small pin; on his left lapel; almost invisible on his dark blue suit.

“Bronze Star; Vietnam,” he said.Screenshot 2015-04-08 14.31.56

We were at a networking event of lawyers.

“That must have been terribly hard,” my wife Ann said empathetically.

“No… no it really wasn’t,” he said. “I realized very early on that I could be cold and miserable in a foxhole; or that I could be cold and happy. I decided to be happy. It’s a choice, you know.”

I do know…. At least that’s what I believe; it’s what I teach; it’s what I endeavor to practice.

But I’ve never had to do it in a foxhole.

We all have our stories; our tales of woe; the circumstances we suffer; the dramas we endure. I hear them from my clients. I’ve told more than my fair share to my own coaches. Of course, what we focus on expands. But, not only that, these stories dampen and imprison us. They keep us small. And they shroud us from the very happiness that is but a choice away.

Viktor Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist interned in the Nazi death camps; his entire family slaughtered, his life’s work destroyed. In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl said that our greatest gift – the greatest gift of our humanity – is the power to choose how we will be, regardless of the circumstances.

The power, in every moment, to choose how we will be.

If in a foxhole, if in a death camp, then most certainly in our businesses and our lives.

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Your Feelings Don’t Really Matter

I had just finished speaking to a university audience on leadership and goal achievement, and had stayed on afterwards to chat with the students.

“I know exactly what I want,” my young listener proclaimed.

Looking earnest, he furled his brow. “It’s just that I don’t always feel very motivated.”

“I don’t really give a fuck what you feel,” I replied with an equal amount of furling and earnestness.

“If you know exactly what you want… and you want it badly enough, then you’ll show up every day and do what needs to be done whether you feel like it or not.”

He flinched, only slightly, as I jabbed my finger in the air for extra dramatic import: “Motivation is vastly overrated.”

And it is.

I rarely feel motivated to run, or go the the gym, or put on over mitts to go out into the arctic cold to climb. There’s not a whole lot of motivation going on when I think about driving three hours to a ski area or hoisting the kayaks onto the roof of a car. I almost never feel motivated to write. In fact, I’ve put off writing this blog until the very last moment possible, perhaps just to dramatically punctuate my own perpetual lack of motivation!

You see, motivation is flighty. It’s not dependable. It comes… and it goes. Sometimes it shows up; more often than not, it doesn’t. Even when it comes to stuff we like or want.

What’s important is the knowing. Knowing what you want. Knowing what you like. Knowing where it is you want to go. And why.

When you’re clear about your destination, when you know your outcome, then all you need to do is act. You’re pulled forward by the vision of what you will achieve. How you feel from moment to moment is irrelevant. In fact, your transitory ‘feelings’ usually just end up getting in the way.

I know how much I value my fitness and vitality over time when I run. And so I run. Whether I feel like it or not.

I know how much I love the creative process of writing and the sense of satisfaction I have when the words I have written have an impact on someone I have never even met. So I write. Whether I feel like it or not.

Get clear on what you really, really want.

Then get going. And stay at it.

In the meantime, it doesn’t really much matter how you feel.

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This is an encore of a post first published on March 20, 2104.

 

 

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You’re A Fake & I Know It!

John was being interviewed about his distinguished career as an anthropologist. He was smart, witty, inciteful. A true professional. The real deal.

Except that he wasn’t.

John was a classmate of mine at a recent conference I attended to hone my public speaking skills. And this was an on-camera exercise he was chosen to participate in.

Even though John was a financial planner, he was told to play the role of an expert anthropologist, despite knowing jack shit about anthropology.

But he was amazing!

Those of us in the audience learned a lot about speaking on camera.

But there was an even more important lesson.

Every single one of us, at one time or another, feels like a fraud. We think we’re not “good enough.” We’re convinced – we’re absolutely certain – that we’ll be “found out” for the inadequate fools we think we are.

No one escapes.

Even those of us who speak on stage.

But watching John “be” the anthropologist with such poise, ease, dignity and grace reminded us all that the stories we tell ourselves about how (we’re convinced) the world will see us (with all of our imperfections) are just that: stories; stories that we make up in our minds.

The truth is that, for the most part, those in the “world” (those you’re absolutely sure will find you out) are much too busy worrying about their own stories of adequacy and worth. And that when you step up to share those gifts that are uniquely yours to share, others are judging themselves far more often than they are judging you.

So be fearless. (Or, as Susan Jeffers says, feel the fear and do it anyway!)

If John can “be the anthropologist,” then I certainly can be me. And you can certainly be you.

And, I dare say, that’s enough.

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Make It Happen

It was already late in the day when I called. So I made the request gingerly.

“I know it’s last minute, but might we have Table 13? It’s our favorite table.”

Now, at most restaurants, the response would be, “We can’t promise that,” or, “We’ll see what we can do.”

But not at this one.

Daryl, the manager on duty at a local wine bar said, “I will make that happen.”

Indeed, when we arrived at 6:00 pm, Daryl greeted us by name; and our table – our favorite one – was waiting for us.

I will make that happen. 

In a culture of waffling and equivocation, ass-covering and risk aversion, who says that?

The statement connotes purposefulness and power, confidence and certainty.

When I heard those words, I felt a deep sense of satisfaction and security. Someone was actually taking responsibility. Someone was a leader. Someone was in charge. Someone was taking care of it. Someone was taking care of me.

I was being served.

Customers, clients, and loved ones want to feel that way.

What will you make happen today?

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Cruel To Be Kind

It was a pretty hefty litany of challenges.

“If one of your team came to you with this long, sad story,” I asked, “what would you say?”

“I’d say to her… take the rest of the day off. In fact, take a long weekend. Do what you need to do to take care of you; and feel better.”

I paused to let it seep in. “So can you do that for yourself?” I asked.

My colleague, a c-level exec, had come to me for some coaching. She was struggling with illnesses in her family, and challenges in her business. She had been “on” for a long time. She hadn’t been getting enough sleep. She had been doing little to nurture herself. She was worn down, stressed out and spread thin. There was nothing left.

“Yes,” she said. “I can do that. I don’t know why I couldn’t see that that’s exactly what I need to do.”

It’s because, as entrepreneurs and professionals, we are often harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else. We hold ourselves to incredibly high standards; even higher than those we hold for our people. We demand of ourselves sustained, uninterrupted peak performance. We are highly intolerant of our own weaknesses; and unforgiving of our shortcomings. We drive ourselves longer, harder and faster than we would ever reasonably expect of others.

And then we wonder why we’re flagging; why we’re flailing; why we’re not making progress; why we can’t get traction; why we’re stuck; why we’re not meeting our goals.

We can’t seem figure out what’s gone wrong.

Because we’re in our own way.

Taking care of ourselves, nurturing ourselves, being kind to ourselves… these are core success principles! The basic fuel. Screenshot 2014-12-02 19.00.11

For me this means adhering to my basic daily practices: my running, my journaling, my sitting meditation. It means eating well; and getting lots of sleep. It means going off the grid on a regular basis because, as an introvert, that’s how I recharge. And it means taking lots of time off to re-ground and re-create.

You already know what you need to do for you. The trick is to acknowledge that doing so is not wasteful but, rather essential to the work you do in the world.

Of course, like everyone, I drive too hard, and fall off the cart from time to time. (We teach what we most need to know!).

But I’ve learned that we can be cruel to ourselves… or be kind.

And kind works out so much better. For everyone.

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What Successful Dogs Need To Know About New Tricks

If you’re an accomplished professional; if you’ve succeeded at a high level in business and in life, then learning something new should be a breeze, shouldn’t it?

Well, it turns out that that’s not the case at all. Screenshot 2014-11-04 15.29.34

The more successful we are, the more comfortable we become in our areas of expertise; and the more comfortable we are in those existing areas of expertise, the less likely we are to want to risk failure by venturing outside that place of comfort and ease.

I’m just beginning to learn how to do studio lighting to enhance our video recording studio. I decided that I should write a bit about the process instead of indulging my urge to take my brand new studio lighting kit and toss it into a dumpster.

You see, when my new kit arrived, I was pretty convinced that the single You Tube video I had watched a week ago was all that I needed to be an instant expert. I gleefully unpacked the box, assembled the lights and stands; and immediately set out to record my first video. To my horror, my first clip looked like a really bad outtake from a poorly planned remake of the Exorcist.

The next 90 minutes of repositioning lights and stands and reflectors failed to yield any significantly different result. I’m now fairly convinced that my future is not so much in producing uplifting motivational videos, but rather in ‘B’ tier horror film trailers. (Except that I’ll have to learn how to mix in scary music; and frankly that just way overwhelms me.)

So before going back to the studio, here’s what I’m telling myself about learning new things. I think I’ll call them The Five Ps of Learning (because “experts” need to have 5 or 7 of something in their cleverly named systems):

  • Permission. We need to give ourselves permission to try new things; to not know; to be beginners again; to seem foolish; and to feel dumb. We need to give ourselves permission to venture out beyond the edges of our comfort zones because all of our growth, all of the wonder, all of the greatest expression of who we are is out there. Just beyond that familiar edge. We need to give ourselves permission to fail, permission to falter, permission not to excel, permission not to be good (or great) at something. Because all of our success (once) started in that place, that place of beginning.
  • Practice. Everything we’ve become great at has required practice. Disciplined repetition. Not everything requires Gladwell’s 10,000 hours (although I think that that daunting figure sometimes dissuades successful folks from taking on new things). I ‘practiced’ law for nearly 30 years… and, as a result, became ‘practiced’ at it. I write every day in order to hone my craft. The Amazon bestseller didn’t happen on the first try. I speak often because I love it, and the larger the audience the better. But I remember a time when I felt like hurling every time I’d walk on stage. It is practice that brings grace and ease.
  • Persistence. Staying at it. Not giving up. Even when you want to; even when you’re frustrated; even when you hit a roadblock; even when you fail; even when you despair. Staying at it; showing up; doing the work. Nowhere have I learned this more than in my running. It takes months and months to prepare for an ultra-distance race. Running day in and day out, even in the heat, and freezing cold; even in the rain and in the snow. Even when you don’t feel like it; especially when you don’t feel like it. And on race day, it is no different: 50 miles is run just one step after another, never relenting, never giving up. For the finish line is the reward only for those who persist.
  • Purpose. You need to be driven. You need to hunger for your outcome. We’re only motivated to move beyond our comfort zones by either intense pain or a vision of extreme pleasure. A vision of pleasure is what sustains. The vision is what fuels the effort; it’s what keeps us going. For me, I write and speak and coach because I am driven by effecting positive change in the world. I run ridiculous distances because I am driven by that feeling of vitality and sense of well-being that extreme fitness brings. Having a vision, having a deep sense of purpose is what sustains us on the path when the going gets tough.
  • Playfulness. We tend to take our expertise rather seriously; in fact, as we grow, we tend to take everything way too seriously. When we lighten up, when we become more playful, we can go easier on ourselves (and others). We can become curious again, and indulge the unknown. We can open up our innate creativity. We can become explorers again and venture out into the vast unknown… and just enjoy the journey. In a spirit of play, the new becomes fun. And when we’re having fun, everything is possible.

So I’m going back to it now. Right after I run out to the dumpster to retrieve my kit. Keep your eyes peeled for some new video extravaganzas. Coming to a theater near you.

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Mutitasking Costs Too Much

I like to pretend that I can multitask. Except that I really can’t.

No one can. It’s not physiologically possible.

Certain repetitive, habitual type things, of course, can get done at the same time, like tying your shoes while carrying on a conversation. But two or more things that require focused attention simply can’t be done at once.

What happens, really, when we attempt to do two things at the same time, is that we handle them sequentially; our brains toggle between the tasks.

Some of us can toggle fast. Screenshot 2014-10-07 07.50.36

I’m a really fast toggler.

But there’s a huge cost to toggling.

There’s an energetic cost. It’s wearing to toggle. We end up feeling tired and overwhelmed when we’ve spent our day toggling.

There’s an acuity cost to toggling. It’s not possible to focus well when we’ve got a lot of balls in the air. We make mistakes when we toggle; sometimes catastrophic ones.

There’s a time cost to toggling. Studies show that it takes anywhere from 12 to 20 minutes to re-attend to a task once we’ve been distracted by another task. We’re actually less efficient when we toggle.

There’s a productivity cost to toggling. When we’re trying to do lots of stuff, few things get done to completion; and little gets done well. We’re actually accomplishing less when we toggle, not more.

There’s a human cost to toggling. Toggling causes us to be fragmented, distracted and superficial in our relationships. We fail to show up; we fail to be present; we fail to listen deeply. We dishonor our connection with one another when we toggle.

Toggling causes us to live in a state of continuous partial attention. Distracted. Stressed out. Spread thin. Mentally blurred.

“Deep thinking demands sustaining a focused mind,” Goleman writes in his bestseller Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence.

Peak performers know the power of focus; they harness the power of attention.

They do just one thing; the most important thing. And then they do the next thing. And the next.

If you want to be a peak performer – or if you only want to restore some sense of sanity to your life – stop multitasking.

It costs way too much.

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Excuses Are Good!

Excuses are good; really good. Because, if you’ve got a plausible excuse, then you’re safe… you don’t need to do anything; you don’t need to risk anything.

If you want to do, be or have something more for yourself; if you’d like your life to be different; if you’d like your health to be better; or if you’d like a job that makes you happy; or a relationship that makes your heart soar; and you’ve got an excuse… well, then, nothing really is required of you. Screenshot 2014-09-17 09.48.06

You can just sit tight. Stay comfy. And let the clock run out.

Or not.

The Biggies

Here are the excuses I hear most frequently from clients:

  • It’s not the right time. “I’m too old, too young, too fat, too out of shape. I need to save up some more money; I need to wait for the promotion or partnership or bonus; I need to wait until the kids are out of school; I need to wait until my partner retires or I retire; or… .”

The truth is: It’s NEVER the right time. There are ALWAYS obstacles. There are ALWAYS hurdles to jump; there are ALWAYS challenges to overcome.

Now is the only time you have. Tomorrow is promised to do one. Goethe says, “What you can do, or dream you can do, begin it; Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”

  • I could never do that. I’m not brave enough; fast enough; strong enough; fit enough; smart enough; wealthy enough; creative enough; ___________ enough.

I could never do that. I’m not enough.

It’s one of our core insecurities as human beings: That I’m not enough.

It’s why we strive. It’s why we have the Sistine Chapel and rocket ships and the computer and smartphones… because we achieve, we strive… because we forever strive… for more. But the worry that we’re not enough also stops us short; holds us back.

But we’re already enough. All we need is within us already.

Everyone starts from the same place. A Mozart, a Picasso, a Marconi; and some even start from hugely disadvantaged places: a Lincoln, a Mandela, an Oprah.

No matter where you start, you have enough – you are enough – to go the distance.

  • It will take too long. It will take 4 years for the degree; 7 years for the residency; 6 months to train for the race; a year to lose the weight; 3 to write the book; and who knows how long to find the ‘right one.’

So what? Who cares? The clock is ticking. The time will pass; whether you take the next step; or not.

It may well take you three years to launch your new business; but the three years will come and go even if you never launch.

Greatness takes time. The overnight success has spent many a sleepless overnight. And while maybe you won’t need 10,000 hours to sharpen your skills, you still need to put in the effort.

Opportunity often disguises itself as work; and work worth doing – legacy work, generational work, world-changing work – often takes a long time.

  • It’s too big; too hard. It’s complicated, confusing, overwhelming, I can’t figure it out. I don’t know where to research it; I don’t know who to talk to; I don’t know what to do next.

Even highly successful, highly accomplished professionals labor with this excuse. The more expert we become in a particular area, the more daunting it is to venture into a new one. We like the familiarity of our own turf.

And even highly successful folks have ‘blind spots.’ They may excel in the business life and struggle in their relationships; their finances might be stellar and their health in the toilet.

Too, we live in a culture of overwhelm. There’s so much flying at us all the time. We suffer from information overload. We resist wanting to take in more.

But what we need to remember is that every journey starts with a single step. Every ultra I’ve run, every mountain I’ve climbed… no matter how long or how big gets finished by taking one step… and then the next.

We want to see the entire way. But we don’t need to. “Take the first step in faith,” Martin Luther King, Jr. said. “You don’t need to see the whole staircase; just take the first step.”

In every endeavor, every business venture, every fitness goal, every financial objective, every marketing campaign, every piece of research, it’s just one step at a time.

And the hardest one is the first one. So just take it!

  • It’s too risky. I don’t want to fail; I don’t want to lose my job; I don’t want to lose money; I don’t want to get hurt in another relationship; I don’t want to get injured. It’s too dangerous.

This is the most pernicious excuse of all because it seems to make so much sense. Why take unnecessary risks… why put yourself in harm’s way?

Guess what? Life is dangerous. None of us gets out alive.

I have a buddy who has been on Mt. Everest twice; summitted once. He shattered his leg cleaning out the leaves from the gutters on his one-story house.

We like to believe in stability; in constancy. But the only thing that is constant, the only sure thing is that things will change.

Businesses collapse, partnerships fail, marriages come unraveled, layoffs happen, people get sick, markets crash. And as much as we like to maintain an illusion of control, we really don’t have very much at all.

Our comfort zones are called comfort zones because, well, they’re pretty damn comfy. But what’s true is that the magic happens just beyond.  Our greatest breakthroughs… our very best lives… are just outside that place of comfort. Life rewards those who risk.

What’s Next?

So excuses are good; in fact, they’re great… if you want to stay stuck. Not so much if you want a big life. The stories we tell ourselves are just that: stories. It’s as easy to make up a small story as it is a grand one.

Grand is better.

What are your favorite go-to excuses? And what will you do now?

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KISS

Why do so many of us have a love affair with the iPod™, the iPhone™, the iPad™?

Because Steve Jobs believed so passionately in elegant simplicity.

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication,” Jobs said.

“Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end, because once you get there, you can move mountains.”

Simple is powerful. Simple is good.

And yet, for so many folks, complex is their place of default.

We see it frequently among our coaching clients when they confront business challenges. They immediately want to:

• Add personnel
• Build out infrastructure
• Supplement their technology
• Create more layers

Now, there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with leverage or growth. The problem is the potential for the complexity they cause.

Small businesses and solopreneurs often have great advantage over larger enterprises because they are more efficient, fleeter of foot; more able to bob and weave and adapt to change.

They’re clearer about their visions, their missions, and the problems they solve.

They can craft their cultures and engage their teams more mindfully.

They’re more deft at nurturing passion and focus, which brings with it clarity of outcome.

Larger organizations, because of structural constraints like committees and policies and procedures, have the propensity to be less creative, more cumbersome, and rote.

And with layers and structure come fixed cost and overhead.

With big, the business model can become complicated. You need to be able to describe your business to your 8th grade daughter or your nephew in a way that he or she can understand it. Because, if they can’t understand it, how will your customer?

Big, too, can become confusing in terms of mission and purpose. As a business grows, it becomes harder to convey and sustain the founding vision, the original passion, and the fundamental cultural values.

Effecting change in a large complex enterprise, especially in times of crisis, can be like turning a supertanker from the crashing waves of a reef: laborious and slow and fraught with danger.

Big can also take on a life of its own, which may be good if you’re planning successive generations of management; or are creating a model for passive income; or are growing your business to sell it But if you envision wanting to escape someday, big may not be so good. One surgeon that I know would love to retire; but he has no clue how to disentangle himself from the equipment leases, the machinery, the phone systems, the layers of personnel and the crushing burden of malpractice insurance. He is a prisoner in his business, a hostage to the hungry “monster” he has built.

Often one of the fundamental reasons that business fail, according to Jim Collins, author of the business classic Good to Great, is because of “the undisciplined pursuit of more.” Greg McKeown, author of the recent best seller Essentialism, suggests that, in the alternative, success comes from “the disciplined pursuit of less.” Screenshot 2014-07-23 06.36.31

So next time you hit a speed bump, instead of automatically seeking to add something to the mix, why not ask instead,

• What should I be doing less of?
• What should I eliminate?
• What should I make simpler and easier?

Simple became an obsession for Jobs. It’s not a bad one to have.