“You’re a selfish bastard.”

The teenager said.  With a fair amount of animation.  And I think a hand gesture.

We were going out on our run.  And had refused to capitulate to the request for transport to some random destination of perceived import.  Or perhaps the destination had some import. And yet we still refused.

“Asshole,”  muttered the teen as it turned on its heels.

We continued to stretch.

The run is something we don’t mess with.  It’s ours.  It’s for us.  We hold that time sacred.  For ourselves.

Selfish?  Absolutely.  Essentially so.

Remember the schpeel that the flight attendants give just before you take off?  About what happens if there is a sudden change in the cabin pressure?  The oxygen mask drops down from the ceiling.  You’re supposed to extend the tubing and place the mask over your face.  And you’re supposed to put your’s on first before you help anyone else, even your children!

Why is this so?

Because your useless if you’re blacked out on the cabin floor.

There are certain things I do every day.  For me. I write. I meditate. I run. I go to the gym.

I do these things without fail.  Regardless of whatever other demands there may be.

They are oxygen for me.

We were out at dinner recently with some dear friends.  Their daughter had just been accepted to a number of fine colleges.  They were of similar caliber.  But the tuitions and the financial aid packages varied widely.  They were in the midst of struggling together with what choice to make.  The daughter wanted the most expensive school with the least generous package.  What to do?  Capitulate to the daughter’s “choice?”  Or make a hard decision. There are younger siblings.  And aging parents.  And bills to pay.  And personal goals. And a marriage to be nurtured.

One of my colleagues at the firm struggles with her older teens who can’t quite launch. They turn to her repeatedly for resources, money and transportation. She’s a good mom.  And wants to “do right” by them.  She often gives in, limiting her own resources and precious time.  But what is “doing right?”

Where are the boundaries?

Where is oxygen?

There are no easy or “right” answers.  But each of us needs to discover what nurtures us at our core.  And protect it at all costs.

If we fail, we end up blacked out on the cabin floor.  Useless. Helpless to help the others when they need us most.

There is no valor in self sacrifice. Self sacrifice is the most selfish act of all.

We live in a world so rife with errands and obligations, demands and expectations that if we don’t schedule and hold fast to what we need for ourselves, for our souls, there will be nothing left to give.

Most folks order their priorities like this:  God, family, job, self.  Darren Hardy in this month’s Success magazine says: “This order will eventually cause you to run out of oxygen. You are no good to God, your family, your company or anything/anyone else if you are rundown or you get sick or drop dead of a heart attack. You cannot give what you do not have. If you want to give more, serve more, contribute more, build more, create more, you have to be stronger and more vital, have more stamina and vigor. You need to make you your first priority so that you can give more, be more and do more for others.”

You are like a high performance race car, leadership expert Robin Sharma says in his wonderful fable The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. You don’t run the car full-out all the time.  You bring it in for pit stops.  Let the engine cool down.  “Saying that you do not have time to improve yourself, whether this means improving your mind or nourishing your spirit, is much like saying you do not have time to stop for gas because you are too busy driving.  Eventually it will catch up with you.”  You will run out of gas.

The late great Jim Rohn said it so well:  “You take care of you for me, and I will take care of me for you.”

Sharma, in his new book The Leader Who Had No Title, says “to be a great leader, first become a great person.”  “Do the inner work required to make your character richer, your intentions purer, and your acts bigger.  Train hard to get your health into high gear so that each day you are full of energy and radiant in vitality.”

To lead well is to love yourself first.

Find what is oxygen for you.  And hold it dear.