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Busy is Bad

The need to leave a legacy is our spiritual need to have a sense of meaning, purpose, personal congruence, and contribution.

— Stephen Covey

I got caught up short recently with a question about Journeys on the Edge: Living a Life That Matters.

The question: Doesn’t every life matter?

The answer: Of course.

But most of us want something more than simply to have existed.

Most of us want to make a difference, an impact on the world, however small. Most of us want our lives to really mean something.

In Abraham Maslow’s ground- breaking book Motivation and Personality, he suggests that, after our baser needs have been met, the need for self-actualization remains. Victor Frankl, who later contributed to Maslow’s work, calls it man’s search for meaning.

Meaning is what we seek.

Contemporary leadership expert Brendon Burchard says that, at the end of our lives, the questions that will remain are: did I live (did I REALLY live), did I love, and did I matter?

We want to have mattered.

If this is so, the work we must do is legacy work. And not just busy work.

Legacy work serves the greater good; it impacts the world in ways large and small. Just a few examples:

  • Teaching
  • Caring for the land
  • Advocating for justice and peace
  • Healing the sick
  • Protecting the downtrodden
  • Making fine art
  • Inspiring greatness

The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation does legacy work. Steve Jobs did legacy work. John Rockefeller did legacy work.

But fame and fortune aren’t required to do legacy work. Rosa Parks did legacy work. Paul Rusesabagina did legacy work. Oskar Schindler did legacy work.

Legacy work can be, as Mother Teresa said, small things done with great love.

Here’s a tip for deciding whether you’re doing legacy work:

  • Ask this question: will the outcome of this investment of time, this project, this effort, this negotiation, this argument matter a week from now, a month from now, next year?
  • If the answer is no, take some time to refocus and redirect your efforts.

Legacy work is like a pebble thrown into a pond.  It ripples outward touching distant shores we cannot see, and perhaps cannot even imagine.

Legacy work is work that makes a difference. It is what we all long to do.

Busy work depletes. Busy is bad.

Bees can be busy. You… not so much.

Of course, the garage needs to be cleaned, the closets organized, the laundry folded. But if our lives consist only of busy work, we end up feeling like a stunt double in Groundhog Day. We end up exhausted and empty and sad. At the end of the day, we fall into bed and ask, “Is that all there is?”

The answer is no. There’s so much more, if we but choose.

Those of you who read me regularly know that I’m a big fan of action.  Action. Not busyness. Action not for action’s sake. But action that leads somewhere. Action that is about significance. Action that makes manifest the essence of who you are in the world.

Bold action. Brave action. Mighty action. Creative action.

Legacy action.

Are you doing legacy work? Or busy work?

__________________________

Journeys on the Edge: Living a Life That Matters

Available now at: www.walthampton.com

Family Values

The Tea Party loves them. The Republicans and the Democrats love them. Everybody loves them.

Values.

But what are they? The way folks talk about them, you’d think that they were wrought by Michelangelo or hanging in the Louvre.

Values are things that matter. Sure, there are probably some objective values. The Framers of our Constitution sure thought so: life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and all that.  But, really, values are things that matter most… to you.

So what matters?

For me, it’s

  • health and fitness
  • time for travel and adventure
  • my creative ventures; and
  • life with my partner, Ann

What are yours?

Here’s an interesting exercise I do with coaching clients:  Pull out an 8 1/2 x 11 piece of paper. Draw a line down the middle. On the left hand side, list your top 5 values; on the right hand side, list the top 5 places you spend your time.

It would be great if you had a match with both columns.  Most folks find they don’t.

And here’s the scoop: Where you devote your time is really what you value.  You can say that you value fitness and never go to the gym. You can say you value health, and never cook a dinner. You can say you value reading, and then spend your nights in front of the tube. You can say you value your family, and then work 80 hours every single week in the office.

But there’s good news:  If there’s an incongruence that you don’t like, you get to switch it up.  You get to spend your time on what you really value.

I know. Easy to say. Not always easy to do.

I was faced with an interesting, and very challenging, dilemma this past week.  Without any advance notice, I was asked to make a court appearance on behalf of a client I had represented years ago, in a court across the state, two hours before it was slated to begin. It wasn’t the client who asked. It was the court. And the court was going to see that my fee was paid.

Now I like to please the court. I really do. I liked this client a lot. He was one of my favorites. And it would have been nice to make a few unexpected bucks.

By most objectives measure, it was something I should have done.

I declined.

I was on my way out to the gym; I would have had to have skipped my workout (see #1 on my list above). I likely wouldn’t have been home in time to make dinner with Ann (see #4 on my list). And I would have lost an entire afternoon of creative time for the preparation of a workshop I’m leading (see #3). Which would have required that I work much later into the night (see#1 and #3). Which would have resulted in… . You get the idea.

Deciding how and where we spend our time can be tough. Here’s what works for me:

  • Be absolutely crystal clear on what you value.
  • Write down what you value on a sticky memo; put it on your computer monitor.
  • Whenever you’re faced with a decision as to how to allocate your time, ask “Is this really consistent with what I value?”
  • Get good at saying “no.”
  • And a warning: if you find yourself saying “this is something I should do,” you probably shouldn’t.

You’ll never get this right 100% of the time. But the effort is worth it.

You’ll be saner. You’ll have more time. And you’ll be living your life on purpose.

Now, that’s something to value.

Discover how to break away from “Survival Mode.” Live with purpose, passion and possibility. Find fun, freedom and fulfillment. You can have it all. I’ll show you how. Journeys on the Edge: Living a Life That Matters. Available now at: https://www.walthampton.com

My Day With Fiddy

I ran the Vermont 50 this past week, an ultra marathon, a trail run with an elevation gain of 8900 vertical feet, 50 miles long.

It was epic. Even as I write this I am fairly certain that my quadriceps have been beaten with railroad ties.

Years ago, as we set out on our first climb of the Grand Teton, my friend Rachelle stood at the base, looked up and said, “Well this doesn’t look very probable.”

I had the same thought at the start of the Vermont 50.

We had read lots of books and articles. We had trained for more than 16 weeks. But as I stood in the pre-dawn light waiting for the gun, all I could think was: Fiddy miles is a long way to go.

Eleven hours and ten minutes later, I crossed the finish line. I came away with lots of lessons. Here are three.

Ya Gotta Chunk It Down

I remember the elation I felt graduating from law school. And then the despair of realizing that the bar exam was a mere two months away. I had to review, condense, consolidate and assimilate three years of course work in just 8 weeks.

Every big expedition or project or goal since then has required the same approach: break it down into small manageable steps. Map it, lay it out, schedule it, and then go at it one step at a time.

Training for the ultra – one twelve hour span of time -required months and months of preparation. Running, fitness, diet, strength training.

Every day was planned. How many miles we would run. What we would eat. When we would go to the gym. Our travel, our commitments, all revolved around our training schedule.

Piece by piece we built the fitness. And when I stood at the line, I knew that I’d have to run the race in the same way. Biting off the entire thing would freak me out. But when I thought about it in three mile segments or five mile segments, it became imaginable.

Whether it’s a diet, an exercise program, a creative project, or a job, when the task is monumental, you need to break it down into small manageable steps. Map them out, write them down. Go at them one small step at a time.

Change Is The Only Constant

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus said, “The only constant in life is change.” The Greeks have no corner on this point of view. The Buddhists say it too.

And it’s true. Nothing stays the same. Everything is in flux.  All the time.

During the training, there were good days and bad days. There were days of pure elation. And days of utter despair.

Ofttimes without any rhyme or reason.

We could have a day of pure flow; and the very next day, it might feel as if our legs had turned to rebar. On long runs, five joyful miles could turn into ten of pure agony; and then back again.

We learned that every training day was different. We learned not to be driven by how we felt because of how transitory feeling are. And that it was ok.

On ultra day, it was the same. There were moments of great happiness and joy. At times our bodies seemed like they could fly. We would talk and laugh and enjoy the beauty of the land. And then, in an instant, discomfort, pain, exhaustion, distress and tears.

Knowing that it will all change, accepting the change, being with the change,  and ultimately riding the change: these were some of the biggest challenges we faced.

They are some of life’s biggest challenges as well.

When You Can’t Go Further You Can

It took my breath away when she told me: Ann was dropping out of the race. Her pace had been slipping. She wasn’t going to make the cut off times. She wanted me to keep going.

This was a finish line we were supposed to cross together. We had trained together. And planned together. I didn’t know how I would go on without her.

And I was completely spent. My feet were torn up. My legs ached. My spirit was in the toilet.

I taped my feet and changed my shoes and lumbered off into the woods with the tears streaming down my face. Eighteen miles to go.

I kept up the self talk: “You’ve done 18 before.” “In four hours, you’ll be sipping a beer.” “Your feet will heal.” “The pain will go away.” “You can do this.” “Just make it to the next aid station.” “Just one more mile.”

Then just one more step, and one more, and another after that. And then in the distance, I could hear the music playing: the finish line. The tears came fresh and fast, now because I knew that I could do it, that somehow I had dug deep enough, and pulled it off.

We have such a small taste of what we are capable of as human beings. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. We can taste it in our toughest moments. Yet, for the most part, our true strength remains a shadow. When all seems lost, when we’re sure we can’t do more, when we’re convinced we can’t go further, we usually can.

Henry Ford said “Whether you think you can or can’t…you are right.” You might as well think you can.

What I Know From Fiddy

Relentless Forward Progress was our ultra training manual.

Fiddy whispered: Be relentless.

Reality Check

It used to be that work was what happened to you when you were busy making other plans.

Outside Magazine, September 2011

Whenever I return from an adventure, he invariably asks the question that I find so troubling.

“Back to reality, I guess, huh?”

I suspect that my father’s perspective is borne of a traditional post-industrial world view: you go to work, you labor long and hard in the factory, and, for a few precious days or weeks each year, you “get away from it all.”  Life and work: forever divorced from one another.  Reality. And unreality?

It shouldn’t be that way.

Reality is not a prison sentence. It is not something we subsist in – and drop out of from time to time.

Reality is what is: This precious moment. Reality encompasses the entirety of our being.  It is our life in each and every instant:  each joy, each hardship, each challenge; the cacophony of our lives; and the splendor. There is nothing “else.”

To live a life divided between “realty” and

  • Relationship
  • Fun
  • Vacation
  • Pleasure
  • Fulfillment

is to deny the integrity – the wholeness – of who we are.

Our lives are lived out fully in the here and now. To live contingently – for some future moment, for some potential happiness – is to deny the beauty, the richness, the vastness of what exists within our grasp.

Confucius wrote, “choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

My mentor, the late great adventure photographer Galen Rowell, in reflecting upon his life, said, “Most important of all, I happened upon a special relationship between myself, my career and my subject matter. I entered into a world with no firm boundaries between working, playing and living.”

A tapestry well woven.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t “get away from it all” now and then.  I’m a big fan of going “off the grid.”  That time allows us to assess what’s working in our lives. And what’s not.

Sometimes we feel depleted, trapped, hopeless.  Sometimes we believe that, if we can only get to some other place, things will be better.  When we feel this way, something needs to change.

If we are living contingently – for another time – for a different reality – it means that we don’t have our lives the way we want them, the way they need to be… yet.

Reality requires that we tinker, to get it “right.” We need to make small changes; and sometimes big ones. Course corrections to:

  • Health and fitness
  • Finances
  • Jobs
  • Where we live
  • Relationships

Our highest aspiration is toward a reality that is filled with freedom and fulfillment; a reality that resonates with peace and joy. A reality that is whole. (We must not “settle” for a reality that is less than whole.)

What if we didn’t feel stretched and torn and fragmented?

What if we found satisfaction and meaning in every one of our days?

What if reality were fun?

What if Mondays were as great as Fridays?

We are the designers, the co-creators of our lives.

We get to choose our reality.

Choose a good one.

__________________________________

Journeys on the Edge: Living a Life That Matters

Available for pre-order soon at www.walthampton.com

Go To The Well

When this blog posts, I will be at the well.

For me, it’s a little place in West Cork perched on a hill overlooking the North Atlantic.  There is no TV, no Internet, no cell phone. There is the sound of the sea, and the wind in the trees. Nothing else.

It is the place I go – not often enough – to rest and rejuvenate; to re-create.

All of us have these places – maybe far away – maybe close at hand – always too seldom visited – where we can refresh our spirits.

  • a quiet litttle corner in the local library
  • the mountain bike trail just outside of town
  • a little church on Sunday mornings
  • the coffee shop in the village an hour’s drive from here
  • the beach side cottage; that little place in the mountains

We avoid these places because

  • it fells unproductive
  • there’s too much to do
  • we don’t have the time right now
  • we haven’t done enough to give ourselves a break
  • tomorrow will work better than today

And tomorrow stretches into next month. Into not at all.

When I came to the well this time ’round, I slept for two days – a sure sign I had been away too long.  And now I sit and soak in the silence –  and read and write and run  and rest. And yes, still battle the demons within myself: am I wasting time?

A dear friend of mine confessed to me recently that he hadn’t gone to his well in quite awhile because he hadn’t “earned it” – he hadn’t done enough yet to justify going there.

Here’s the paradox of the well: It is the place – the Source – from which we draw our strength, not a just reward.

There is a truism in mountaineering: hydrate or die.

Go to the well. Go there today.

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